Celebrations!

We have had much to celebrate in the last few months! Stephen's brother, David, married Erin in a beautiful ceremony in Chattanooga in July. Emmalyn was a gorgeous flower girl; Stephen made a handsome groomsman.

 Emmalyn began Pre-K in August. She loves it! She is having so much fun learning new things and making new friends. Stephen is able to drop her off in the mornings since her school is on his campus. James and I are so glad to see her in the afternoons!

It has been six months since I finished radiation. I had a normal mammogram and a good check-up with my radiation oncologist last week.

And...on August 31...Sweet Baby James Turned One!

His birthday just happened to fall on a Saturday that just happened to be opening day for college football, so we appropriately had a tailgate-themed party. All of his cousins came to celebrate. We had fun food, great gifts, and plenty of cake! He is such a blessing, and it is truly a time to celebrate!

New train table!

James is healthy, sweet, has the best grin, and is absolutely precious! He is standing more confidently, but he is not yet walking. He has four little teeth, and six more are close to breaking the surface. He has had a few rough nights, but I treasure the chance to get in extra snuggles. James is tall and skinny, but he has a good appetite. He has successfully moved to whole milk in sippy cups. He is also sitting in a big carseat, a hand-me-down from Emmalyn after we let her pick out a new pink big-girl booster. It makes me a little sad that my baby is growing up! Just recently, though, he has become more of a "mama's boy," and I don't mind too much! We took photos of him and the family this week. I am excited to see the rest.

I am so grateful to be the mom of both Emmalyn and James, and I hope to inspire others to see how valuable all life is. I have a few opportunities to share our story in the coming days: a newsletter, an article, our Sunday School class, other women facing pregnancy and cancer, and this blog. I am grateful for these opportunities to share how God has been faithful to us and is providing for us continually. Even through tough times, we have an eternal hope and a peace about the future through our Savior, Jesus Christ. If this happens to be your first time reading my blog, I encourage you to read some of the earlier posts. Looking back, I am amazed at all that has happened and where we are now! 

I am also looking forward to my birthday on the 25th. I'll be 31 years old. These years are flying by! I am blessed to be feeling well and surrounded by my precious family. I'm glad to have some normalcy in my life! I will see my oncologist next in late October. I'll have another mammogram in six months (March). The tamoxifen hasn't been too bad, except for a few hot flashes. My hair is continuing to grow in pretty well, but it will take a long time to get any length. I was encouraged to be active, and I am making an effort to walk in the evenings. Things are going well!

I appreciate continued prayers for health, and I also ask for prayers for two ladies who are experiencing challenging pregnancies. Please also pray for Stephen's back. He has a crack in a vertebrae that has allowed a disc to slip, causing him back pain and weakness in his leg. We are exploring treatment options, and he may need surgery eventually.

Just a few versus that I've studied lately...

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, 'The righteous shall live by faith.'" (Romans 1:16, 17 ESV)

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand." (John 10:27, 28 ESV)

Getting Back to Normal

Best buddies!

Emmalyn and James are keeping me busy and entertained. They are so sweet together. Emmalyn is a great big sister! They are so happy to see each other in the morning. James just grins at her, and Emmalyn runs to play with him.  James is 8 months old now. His first two teeth have broken through in the last two weeks. He is not crawling yet, but he is beginning to pull his knees up under him in the position. He gets around pretty well already, though. He gets in the skydiver position with only his tummy touching the floor most of the time. He likely has a very strong back! He is very curious and grabs at everything, especially sister's hair and skirts. She tolerates him pretty well during these times. As she says, "he is just so cute!"  Most things go straight to his mouth. We have to be careful to keep Emmalyn's small toys off the floor. He "coo's" and says "guh," and sometimes I believe he says "hey." When he is really tired and frustrated, he shakes his head from side-to-side like he is saying no. They start early! He likes toys with music and kicks his legs to the beat. James is eating pretty well, though he still won't complete 8 ounces in most feedings. He loves sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, apples, pears, peaches, bananas, and cereal. We are adding new foods gradually. I made some baby food this week...butternut squash, sweet potatoes, and carrots, but I had to use our smoothie maker. He has tried my sweet potatoes and didn't hate them, though it wasn't as smooth as the jar stuff. Not too bad for a first try, I say!

First time in the pool.

Nothing like sand between your toes!

It is already so much fun to aggravate sister!

First two teeth!

Fun day at the strawberry farm.

He has experienced a few firsts in the past month...first trip to the beach with Stephen's aunt in Bonita Bay, first time in the swimming pool, first boat ride, first time at the zoo, first softball game to watch Dad, and first trip to the strawberry patch. It is fun to introduce these things again and have another fresh perspective on the world. He liked the sand; he warmed up to the pool and was in heaven. He is a water boy. 

We will dedicate James at church this Sunday. We are giving thanks to God for blessing us with him, and we are pledging to teach him about Jesus and raise him in a loving, caring, gentle family centered on Christ. We pray that his heart will be tender and drawn to Christ at a young age. We are also asking the church to support our family and encourage us and come alongside us to teach and direct James. It will be a special day!

Emmalyn LOVES the beach! She has improved greatly in the pool, too, and talks about swimming all the time now.  We visited Stephen's aunt near Naples and had a great time, then later that week we were in Atlanta for a NeedToBreathe concert at the Fox, which was great! It was kind of an end-of-treatment celebration, followed with a trip to Zoo Atlanta the next morning. The zoo also tops the list of Emmalyn's all-time favorite places. The girl is an animal lover!

Zoo Atlanta

Emmalyn is such a sweet girl. She is passionate about everything she does. She is very outgoing and interested in involving her friends and others in everything. She is very smart and so funny! She speaks really well and has an extensive vocabulary, but some of my favorite expressions from her (that I just can't correct her on) are "musnashes" for mustaches (we try to find opportunities for her to say it often), "babysittering" for babysitting, "my snog is running" when her nose runs, "my tummy is grumbly" when she is hungry, and "tinky" for pinky. Common phrases are "everyone will love it," referring to almost anything, "does it twirl?" for every single outfit, "put James down on his mat" when she wants me to play with her, and "can I watch 'My Little Ponies' on your iPad?" She absolutely loves all animals. She says that she is going to be a veterinarian when she gets big like me. She also likes taking pictures (with my camera under supervision!). She is really excited about school this fall, but she has expressed her displeasure at having to get shots. I promised her a trip to Chuck E Cheese that day, and I need to just bite the bullet and get her check-up over with. James and I will really miss her while she's at school!

Current favorite twirly dress.

Two months out from the end of radiation, I am feeling pretty well...almost normal! Well, my new normal, anyway. My hair is growing in pretty well. I have actually had it trimmed a couple of times to tame it as it grows out. I'm afraid it will get unmanageable really soon! It is so easy to take care of at this length, but I think I want it a little longer to look more feminine. I am still surprised sometimes by the numbness under my arm, and the tips of my toes and fingers are still slightly numb.  My teeth are the most sensitive. I was told that I need to wear my compression sock more often to help circulation after the clot in my leg. Overall, I don't have anything to complain about. The burns on my skin gradually got worse through the 36 radiation treatments, but it healed quickly within a couple of weeks.

At my three month follow-up with the oncologist, he said that I can consider myself cancer-free. Those are great words to hear! I'll have another appointment in early June, then appointments possibly every 6 months. I will see the radiation oncologist again in late June, then set up appointments every 6 months with him also, but staggered with my oncology visits so that I have an exam every three months. I will likely have mammograms twice a year and be monitored closely for the next few years.

Relay for Life Survivor's Lap

I am very relieved to be done! I was able to walk the Survivor's lap at our Relay for Life last week. I was proud to be there and feeling good. I'm always amazed at how prevalent cancer is and how many people are affected. Everyone's story is different, but we are connected in the battle. I hope that I can be an encouragement to others. There are several others in the midst of treatments or with a new diagnosis, and I pray for them as they often come to mind.

I am so glad to be at this point in my life. I have two beautiful, healthy children, a loving husband, and I'm feeling healthy. I have an interesting perspective on life after all of this, and I'm at a point that I feel like I can start to shift some focus on other things and maybe pay it forward. I will probably start working at the Crisis Pregnancy Center again; perhaps there is an expecting mother with a medical condition who could be encouraged by my story. I signed up to take a meal to another family; we were blessed by so many people with meals over the last year. I have been asked to give a little talk to a group of ladies next week. It will be my first time doing anything like that. I was interviewed by the local newspaper, too.  It is cool to be able to share my testimony of God's provisions and give hope to others with a devastating diagnosis. Just to look at James, I am overwhelmed at how perfect he is. I am so blessed, and I praise God for keeping him safe and showering our family with His blessings!

Easter 2013

My little miracle!

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..." - Jeremiah 1:5a

"for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:11-13

Finally Done!!!

I have had my last radiation treatment. After 36 trips to the hospital, I was definitely ready to be through! Does this really mean that this thing is over? No more chemo or radiation or cancer, ever? I certainly hope so! I'm sure there will be battles and mountaintops and valleys ahead for each of us, but this is a huge accomplishment! Treatment is over!

February 20, 2013

Radiation was interesting. I had 28 treatments in the tomotherapy machine that I described in a previous post. I had 8 additional treatments in a different machine that zoomed in to the localized area of the scar from the original tumor. That machine took just a few seconds. It made a loud buzz while the beam was on. My skin held up pretty well and has already begun to heal. It turned pink and became dry and itchy.  My underarm became tender from the skin burning coupled with friction of my arm rubbing the area. The skin eventually peeled, and it is much better now. I applied Aquaphor cream several times a day. It is thick and gross and got on my clothes. The general area shows some skin darkening (a slight tan, only localized), and I believe I have spotted a couple of new freckles. Overall, it wasn't too bad, and the weeks seemed to pass quickly. I have a follow-up in six weeks. I was told the radiation is still working for six weeks past the last treatment.

I have a follow-up appointment with my oncologist this week. I will learn more about monitoring and steps going forward. I will continue taking the tamoxifen pills for at least 5 years. I hope to get the life port removed soon. 

My parents, Stephen, and the kids were there to be witnesses as I rang the bell after my last treatment. I received a certificate of completion and took pictures. Stephen took me to the movies and to dinner and Target. We had a nice time celebrating. Meanwhile, Emmalyn and James went to Chuck E. Cheese's with their grandparents and had a big time.

Since I had no one to see and nothing pressing to be done away from the house, I have been staying in my pj's and having fun with the kids these past few days. The incessant rain has played a factor, too. We're getting a little stir crazy! The sun is finally shining now.

We went to the open house for Emmalyn's school she'll attention next year. I can't believe she is big enough for pre-k! She will have a blast, but she'll have to learn routines and how to share with friends. It might be an adjustment! She had a great time with Stephen at the Daddy-Daughter Dance earlier this month. She is continuing in gymnastics and doing well. She has a big imagination. She loves playing with her ponies and princesses. She likes taking pictures and decorating things with glitter paint. She still loves twirly things. In fact, she requested to sleep in something twirly last night. I guess she twirls in her sleep, too! She is improving in her writing, and she has a great memory.

James is nearly six months old! He is sitting with assistance and tries to hold his bottle. He has rolled over a few times in each direction, but I have yet to witness it. I have sat with the camera ready for long stretches without any action. It's getting frustrating! He has tried his first taste of rice cereal and likes it pretty well. We have to hold his hands down because he thinks he can feed himself with the spoon. He is growing too fast! He'll be crawling before we know it! He is still so sweet; just looking at him elicits a smile. His napping alternates weeks. He barely napped any day last week, but has been doing well this week. He always sleeps so well at night, usually about 12 hours or more. I am extremely thankful! The amount of slobber on his chin and his desire to chew everything in sight should mean a tooth is coming in, but it just hasn't broken through. He has been working on it for months!

James and Emmalyn are absolutely precious together. He watches her all day and stays entertained. She loves to hug and kiss him and thinks everything about him is cute. She plays with him and sings to him. I'm so glad they have each other, and I'm so blessed to be their mom!

In other news, we unfortunately had to replace our heating and air unit. The old one chugged along for 26 years, but it just couldn't go on any more. At least it improves the value of the house. And it is quieter and more reliable than the old one, that's for sure!

I have so many people to thank who have been a blessing to us over the last year. We are so grateful for their generosity with their time, talents, and resources. Thanks to everyone for the continued prayers! They are working, and we feel them!

^"14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God." -Colossians 3:14-16

"Oh sing to the Lord a new song,
    for he has done marvelous things!
His right hand and his holy arm
    have worked salvation for him." -Psalm 98:1

Looking Back

One year ago today, I received my cancer diagnosis. I also had my first ultrasound where James was too tiny to be seen. Now, James is 20 weeks old! He is absolutely precious. His sweet coos and huge grins warm my soul. Tomorrow, we will celebrate Emmalyn's 4th birthday party; her actual birthday is the 22nd. She is so excited about having a princess tea party with her sweet friends. I am happy to throw a celebration for her to make her day super special! I plan to make a "big cake" by request. If it turns out well, I'll post a picture. (If not, you'll know what happened :))I've been baking cake and cookies and plan to attempt pink popcorn. She has only been talking about this birthday since her last one! At her 3rd birthday party, I was still digesting the news and so unsure of everything the future held for our family. We pushed ahead and she was none the wiser. This year will be much more joyful for me!

James' First Christmas!

Loving her new Tag System

4 Months old!

Snyder Siblings and Cousins

Let's see...stage III breast cancer diagnosis, surgery, four chemo drugs, radiation, hormone therapy, a blood clot, and a baby...that's my year in review! It has been a "great adventure," and I can truly say that I praise the Lord for bringing me this far. He has been with me every step of the way, from pointing me to certain doctors, to having a less invasive surgery, to keeping me feeling well through chemo, to giving me a smooth delivery of James, to providing childcare during treatments, to having an encouraging CT scan, to putting me on the tomotherapy machine to reduce radiation effects, to placing survivors in my path to offer encouragement and answer questions, to blessings in the form of food and gifts, to keeping my hope in Him and giving me peace. I was asked if I ever felt depressed through all of this. I can honestly say that I haven't. I felt much more anxious before my diagnosis. By the time the words were out of the surgeon's mouth, I was already at peace. I knew from the beginning that it was all out of my hands. I had to fully rely on God to bring me through. I am still in that place of reliance, because, really, there is no where else to be. This situation is all just craziness! I don't mean to say that this has been easy. In fact, it has been really hard and is still hard. I'll have a pity party occasionally, but it doesn't last long. It could have been much worse, and I have felt God's presence throughout. I hope that someone reading this is encouraged. Maybe that is the sole purpose of all of this.

I will have my 13th radiation treatment today. I will be done around February 20th. For anyone that might be curious, I have a few blue marks making a grid on my chest and sides so that I can be lined up properly each day. I have to undress from the waist up and wear a hospital gown. I lay on the mold I made initially, flat on my back with my arms over my head. The machine is a tube that my upper body goes inside. I have a small CT scan each day, followed by the radiation. I am laying still on the table about 25 minutes. The tomotherapy maching is pretty loud; I assume the vacuum cleaner-type sound is a fan to keep the motor cool. The radiation sounds like rocks in a milk jug that circle around and around. I usually shut my eyes for a few minutes and try not to think about how still I need to be! Other ladies in the waiting room are having skin discomfort, like a sunburn. I am using a special deodorant. So far, my skin is not showing signs except for some redness under my arm. It may start getting more uncomfortable over the next few days. At least I don't have to get stuck!

The tamoxifen isn't so bad. I have hot flashes every now and then, but, thankfully, they have not woken me up in the middle of the night lately as they did the first few nights. I am also thankful that it is relatively cheap...about $10 a month. We'll be meeting out insurance deductible again this year, like in the first week of 2013! I am glad we have insurance and don't have to pay the full amount for radiation!

We had a good Christmas, except for the stomach bug that wiped all of us out. Emmalyn got her "magical pony with wings," stompeez slippers, and gymnastics leotards. Her favorite gift is probably the Tag reading system. It is amazing and has even deepened her love of books. I definitely recommend it! James loves his little learning toys and stuffed animals. His favorite thing at the moment is to play on his playmat. He kicks and coos and smiles at his toys. He is beginning to reach and pull at things, if only to get them in his mouth. He chews on his hands all the time. Maybe that tooth will break through one day soon! At his 4 month appointment, he weighed 12 pounds, 13 ounces and was 24 inches long. He is hanging around the 20th percentile, but he is steadily growing. We were able to meet the fiancée of Stephen's brother New Year's Eve. She asked Emmalyn to be a flower girl at their wedding this summer, and Emmalyn is so excited about wearing a pretty dress at the wedding! Stephen turned 31 on January 6th. We celebrated by going to dinner and a movie (Lincoln) and used our gift certificate for a night at the Plains Inn he won at a silent auction. We stayed in the 1930's. It was a fun weekend.

My anthem for today is "Never Once" by Matt Redman:

"Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

"Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

"Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

"Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

"Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

"Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful"

Christmas Blessings

What a difference a year makes! My heart is light and I am so excited about Christmas! Stephen reminded me of last year, when we were just investigating "the lump". There were still so many scary unknowns, and I was sad about the baby we lost that would have been due in early January.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor." (Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV)

I want to write about these things to show the glory of the Lord and to encourage others. See what the Lord has done!

Last week, I received the call that my CT scan looked clear. It was a real encouragement for me. Realistically, I know the possibilities of microscopic cells floating around, but I feel as if I have been given a new lease on life. It is so easy to imagine all the terrible possibilities (I have had a year to do so) and was almost preparing myself for the worst, but the good report really gives me hope. I feel more relaxed and joyful.

I have the best Christmas blessings in my home. James is kicking and cooing and smiling at me as I type. He is absolutely precious! He is 16 weeks old today! And Emmalyn is so sweet and smart! She asks every day if it is Christmas yet, and if she can open presents. I made "snow" with corn starch and shaving cream, and she loves playing with it. She would love for it to really snow. We need to take that girl north! I can't believe she will turn 4 in one month!

I am preparing for radiation now. It will begin January 2nd. I have had two planning/ mapping scans this week, the second one after my doctor decided to assign me to their newest machine. It uses tomography and is more precise. It will hit less of the surrounding areas, like my lung. I have made the mold I will lay on each time. I just have to show up now! It will take about 30 minutes every day for 35 sessions. It all seems like a mad scientist's experiment! I am getting pretty accustomed to "exposing" myself, even as modest as I was before. It's just a fact of life now.  I will have to drive to Albany every day, and I am still trying to work out child care. I am eager to get started so that I can finish!

So far, I have felt okay with the tamoxifen. I have had a few hot flashes at night, but that's pretty much it. The neuropathy is about the same, but I don't really expect improvements for a few months.

As I have said, this Christmas I feel so blessed. I want others to know that as scary as cancer seems, the treatments are survivable! The doctors and nurses are very kind and make the process more bearable. This has been the quickest year! I am so grateful to have had my little buddy to go through the process with. James is a wonderful blessing! I am looking forward to a fresh beginning in 2013 (after radiation)!

It truly is a Merry Christmas! Peace has come!

"and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests." (Luke 2:7-14 NIV)

Peace and Thanksgiving

As the season of Thanksgiving passes and Christmas approaches, I have so much to be thankful for.  This week I completed chemotherapy.  Stephen got me a dozen roses and the nurses and doctors in the chemo clinic sang an embarrassing song and gave me a bottle of sparkling grape juice. I have had 24 doses of chemo since March (18 technical "rounds"). My weekly sessions had become routine. I will have a little freedom...at least until I start radiation in January.  When radiation is over, likely in February, I really won't know what to do with myself! I'll just get to enjoy my little family!  I have a radiation planning session December 18, and I'll start taking tamoxifen soon.

I look forward to gradually feeling better as the effects of chemo fade. My hands and feet may take a while to return to normal. Last night, I had a splinter in my thumb and could barely even feel it. The joints in my hands and my elbows and knees are a little achy. Even my teeth hurt!  I felt better after taking a week off chemo after my ninth round, so I have hope of a full recovery from neuropathy. My hair thinned some during taxol, but I did not lose it all as I expected to. I even had a little hair trim to clean up the edges yesterday! 

Overall, I would say that chemo was not what I expected.  I feel so blessed to have felt pretty well throughout the past several months. I really have sympathy for those that suffer immensly from chemo. I feel covered in prayers from around the world! My only real complaints have come from a blood clot and numb hands and feet. I didn't even consider those side effects when I began! My stomach has been a little more sensitive of late, but nothing too bad. I have not been able to walk as much as I would like because it seems my feet hurt much more after exercising. I have purposely tried to not over-exert myself during this time, and I have had enough energy to take care of Emmalyn and James. It certainly helps now that James is sleeping through the night. He sleeps about ten hours or more.  That is a true blessing! The house is a mess, but I have never claimed to be a good housekeeper! I keep the bottles and clothes clean, and I feel accomplished.

Emmalyn and James are such joys! James responds with goofy grins and "goo's" when you talk to him. He laughed out loud last night when Stephen blew raspberries on his tummy. He is 14 weeks old. He is growing too fast! He is filling out his 3 months clothes. I love when he stops drinking his bottle for a moment to flash a smile and "goo," just because he likes looking at me!

 Emmalyn had her first haircut yesterday. She has been talking about going to the "barber shop" to get a haircut for a while. She was so excited! She sat perfectly still and told the hairdresser all about her pets. She is excited about Christmas. She helped me decorate the tree. She even remembered needing to wear gloves to fluff out the branches from last year.  She has an amazing memory! A few branches near the bottom are a little heavy with ornaments, but I think she did a great job, and I'm not fixing it! She was ready for presents as soon as we started decorating.  She says she wants a "magical pony with wings" when asked what she wants for Christmas. Fortunately for me, there was a set of about ten My Little Pony figures for $15 during Black Friday.  We are trying to make sure that she understands how fun it is to bless others this time of year. She helped me shop for and pack shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. She really liked a guitar that we bought for a little girl our Sunday School class is blessing for Christmas. Emmalyn now understands that it is for someone else but she would still like one for her birthday. She has also been a big help to me as we make treats for parties. She loves to cook...she really loves doing whatever I am doing. She is a mini me! A phrase she says often is, "When I get big like you...". That sweet girl is growing up too fast!

Before

After Cut and Style

Christmas came early for me this year. I got myself a Canon T3 dslr (an online Black Friday deal). Our old camera quit working in protest the night I ordered the new one! I have not even begun to explore all the capabilities of the new camera, but I am enjoying it already, even in auto mode. 

I feel like I have one more little hurdle to clear. I have CT scans scheduled this coming Wednesday. I should get the results on Thursday. I would have had scans when I was first diagnosed to be sure of the staging, but I couldn't, obviously, because of the pregnancy.  My oncologist expects them to be clear, especially after chemo. He didn't really even want to do them, though he was leaving the decision in my hands. The radiation oncologist made the decision for me, however. He wants to be sure of the status before radiation starts. So, I would really appreciate the prayers for clean scans and peace as I await the results. 

I LOVE Christmas music. The Casting Crowns version of "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" keeps playing in my head (and in my car since I bought the cd).  I am reminded of the promises in Psalm 121 that God does not sleep:

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore." (Psalm 121:1-8 NIV)

May I face these coming days with peace and thankfulness. May the joy of the Christmas season fill our family and yours!

His first Christmas Parade

A Blink

One month old and not interested in pictures...

I had to title this post "a blink," because I blinked and I suddenly have a one-month-old, I am 30 years old, and I am a third of the way through chemo treatments!

James is growing so fast. We have a six-week checkup at the end of the week. I can't wait to see how much he weighs. He seems so much bigger, though we still get a lot of comments about how small he is; he's probably now the size of most newborns. I can't really tell who he favors. He is a good mixture. He regrettably doesn't sleep as much during the day, but he sleeps fairly well at night. He'll sleep four hour stretches between feedings at night. I switched to a gentle formula because he had a few rough days; the formula definitely seems to not hurt his stomach as much, and he is more settled. The poor little thing has baby acne and is going bald but he is still really cute! He is very alert and has such expressive eyes. He is a sweet little blessing!

September 25, 2012 marked my 30th birthday. It was a little bittersweet. No one imagines they will be going through cancer treatments when they are 30. I had a really sweet birthday dinner with family and a few friends. Stephen even got one of our favorite Christian artists, Aaron Shust, to record a birthday message and sing "happy birthday" to me. It was a fun surprise. I got a pair of leather Croc sandals I had been eyeing all summer and another charm for my necklace. I expanded my wardrobe, and I still have a little birthday money to spend when I get to a store one day! I am thankful for another year, and I hope to have many, many more birthdays!

I have had four of twelve weekly taxol treatments. My hair has not fallen out yet, which is a little surprising. I have gotten several compliments about my new short "do." It is easy to manage! I haven't really had any stomach issues. The main symptom that is setting in is neuropathy, tingling and numbness in the hands and feet. It may get progressively worse through treatments, and there is a chance it could be permanent. We have to keep it in check to  make sure my quality of life is not affected. It is just a little strange and annoying at this point. When I lie in bed, the soles of my feet feel like I walked on hot concrete. The tips of my fingers tingle as if they are "waking up" from falling asleep. I'm praying for a full recovery after treatment! The main difference between taxol and the chemo I took before is the way it is administered. Taxol can cause allergic reactions, so I am given Benadryl during treatments. I am loopy and have to sleep away the rest of the day. I hate that feeling! At least it is passing really quickly. I'll be done before I know it...which means Christmas will be here soon!

Our Cowgirl at Cowpoke

Our Cowboy

Emmalyn has been so sweet with James. She kisses him every time she walks by him, and she loves to hold him and hug him. She lets me know when he is crying (even when I am ignoring him on purpose!) She makes sure he is taken care of! She had a big day Saturday at the Cowpoke Carnival. She rode a horse, jumped in the castle, got her face painted, and ate cotton candy.  I surprised her Saturday night with a "unicorn dream light." She has been asking for one for a long time. She loves to go to bed now and see the stars shining on her ceiling. It is a good tool to make bedtime smooth! We are looking forward to visiting the pumpkin patch soon. She says she wants to be a dolphin for Halloween. I might have to be creative with a costume! We have trunks of treats and a carnival at church that is always fun. I love fall!

I am really grateful that I feel well. We got a very nice double jogging stroller with gift cards, and we have been going on walks lately. We are so blessed by the gifts for James and Emmalyn and all the meals. It is very nice to not have to worry about what's for dinner a couple days of the week. Our parents have been sweet to keep our kids when I go to treatments, too. I don't think they mind too much.

I'll leave you with the words of Aaron Shust's song, "My Hope Is In You"

I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries
"Holy! Hallelujah, Father, You're near!"

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long, I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You alone

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries 

"Glory! Hallelujah, Father, You're here!"

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long, I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You alone

I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge

My hope is in You, Lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long I won't be shaken by drought or storm

A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You alone
My hope is in You alone, yeah
My hope is in You alone