Christmas Blessings

What a difference a year makes! My heart is light and I am so excited about Christmas! Stephen reminded me of last year, when we were just investigating "the lump". There were still so many scary unknowns, and I was sad about the baby we lost that would have been due in early January.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor." (Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV)

I want to write about these things to show the glory of the Lord and to encourage others. See what the Lord has done!

Last week, I received the call that my CT scan looked clear. It was a real encouragement for me. Realistically, I know the possibilities of microscopic cells floating around, but I feel as if I have been given a new lease on life. It is so easy to imagine all the terrible possibilities (I have had a year to do so) and was almost preparing myself for the worst, but the good report really gives me hope. I feel more relaxed and joyful.

I have the best Christmas blessings in my home. James is kicking and cooing and smiling at me as I type. He is absolutely precious! He is 16 weeks old today! And Emmalyn is so sweet and smart! She asks every day if it is Christmas yet, and if she can open presents. I made "snow" with corn starch and shaving cream, and she loves playing with it. She would love for it to really snow. We need to take that girl north! I can't believe she will turn 4 in one month!

I am preparing for radiation now. It will begin January 2nd. I have had two planning/ mapping scans this week, the second one after my doctor decided to assign me to their newest machine. It uses tomography and is more precise. It will hit less of the surrounding areas, like my lung. I have made the mold I will lay on each time. I just have to show up now! It will take about 30 minutes every day for 35 sessions. It all seems like a mad scientist's experiment! I am getting pretty accustomed to "exposing" myself, even as modest as I was before. It's just a fact of life now.  I will have to drive to Albany every day, and I am still trying to work out child care. I am eager to get started so that I can finish!

So far, I have felt okay with the tamoxifen. I have had a few hot flashes at night, but that's pretty much it. The neuropathy is about the same, but I don't really expect improvements for a few months.

As I have said, this Christmas I feel so blessed. I want others to know that as scary as cancer seems, the treatments are survivable! The doctors and nurses are very kind and make the process more bearable. This has been the quickest year! I am so grateful to have had my little buddy to go through the process with. James is a wonderful blessing! I am looking forward to a fresh beginning in 2013 (after radiation)!

It truly is a Merry Christmas! Peace has come!

"and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests." (Luke 2:7-14 NIV)

Peace and Thanksgiving

As the season of Thanksgiving passes and Christmas approaches, I have so much to be thankful for.  This week I completed chemotherapy.  Stephen got me a dozen roses and the nurses and doctors in the chemo clinic sang an embarrassing song and gave me a bottle of sparkling grape juice. I have had 24 doses of chemo since March (18 technical "rounds"). My weekly sessions had become routine. I will have a little freedom...at least until I start radiation in January.  When radiation is over, likely in February, I really won't know what to do with myself! I'll just get to enjoy my little family!  I have a radiation planning session December 18, and I'll start taking tamoxifen soon.

I look forward to gradually feeling better as the effects of chemo fade. My hands and feet may take a while to return to normal. Last night, I had a splinter in my thumb and could barely even feel it. The joints in my hands and my elbows and knees are a little achy. Even my teeth hurt!  I felt better after taking a week off chemo after my ninth round, so I have hope of a full recovery from neuropathy. My hair thinned some during taxol, but I did not lose it all as I expected to. I even had a little hair trim to clean up the edges yesterday! 

Overall, I would say that chemo was not what I expected.  I feel so blessed to have felt pretty well throughout the past several months. I really have sympathy for those that suffer immensly from chemo. I feel covered in prayers from around the world! My only real complaints have come from a blood clot and numb hands and feet. I didn't even consider those side effects when I began! My stomach has been a little more sensitive of late, but nothing too bad. I have not been able to walk as much as I would like because it seems my feet hurt much more after exercising. I have purposely tried to not over-exert myself during this time, and I have had enough energy to take care of Emmalyn and James. It certainly helps now that James is sleeping through the night. He sleeps about ten hours or more.  That is a true blessing! The house is a mess, but I have never claimed to be a good housekeeper! I keep the bottles and clothes clean, and I feel accomplished.

Emmalyn and James are such joys! James responds with goofy grins and "goo's" when you talk to him. He laughed out loud last night when Stephen blew raspberries on his tummy. He is 14 weeks old. He is growing too fast! He is filling out his 3 months clothes. I love when he stops drinking his bottle for a moment to flash a smile and "goo," just because he likes looking at me!

 Emmalyn had her first haircut yesterday. She has been talking about going to the "barber shop" to get a haircut for a while. She was so excited! She sat perfectly still and told the hairdresser all about her pets. She is excited about Christmas. She helped me decorate the tree. She even remembered needing to wear gloves to fluff out the branches from last year.  She has an amazing memory! A few branches near the bottom are a little heavy with ornaments, but I think she did a great job, and I'm not fixing it! She was ready for presents as soon as we started decorating.  She says she wants a "magical pony with wings" when asked what she wants for Christmas. Fortunately for me, there was a set of about ten My Little Pony figures for $15 during Black Friday.  We are trying to make sure that she understands how fun it is to bless others this time of year. She helped me shop for and pack shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. She really liked a guitar that we bought for a little girl our Sunday School class is blessing for Christmas. Emmalyn now understands that it is for someone else but she would still like one for her birthday. She has also been a big help to me as we make treats for parties. She loves to cook...she really loves doing whatever I am doing. She is a mini me! A phrase she says often is, "When I get big like you...". That sweet girl is growing up too fast!

Before

After Cut and Style

Christmas came early for me this year. I got myself a Canon T3 dslr (an online Black Friday deal). Our old camera quit working in protest the night I ordered the new one! I have not even begun to explore all the capabilities of the new camera, but I am enjoying it already, even in auto mode. 

I feel like I have one more little hurdle to clear. I have CT scans scheduled this coming Wednesday. I should get the results on Thursday. I would have had scans when I was first diagnosed to be sure of the staging, but I couldn't, obviously, because of the pregnancy.  My oncologist expects them to be clear, especially after chemo. He didn't really even want to do them, though he was leaving the decision in my hands. The radiation oncologist made the decision for me, however. He wants to be sure of the status before radiation starts. So, I would really appreciate the prayers for clean scans and peace as I await the results. 

I LOVE Christmas music. The Casting Crowns version of "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" keeps playing in my head (and in my car since I bought the cd).  I am reminded of the promises in Psalm 121 that God does not sleep:

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore." (Psalm 121:1-8 NIV)

May I face these coming days with peace and thankfulness. May the joy of the Christmas season fill our family and yours!

His first Christmas Parade