A Little Piece of Me

I feel like I was able to bring some closure to my cancer journey last week. I had my life port removed Thursday, November 14! I elected to have it taken out before the end of the year for a few reasons...I had to have the port flushed every 4-6 weeks, which was painful, inconvenient, costly, and required a trip to the chemo room (not a place anyone wants to visit). I could taste the saline rinse in the back of my throat when they flushed it. It was just all-around unpleasant! I also had to be careful when I held the kids to keep them from bumping it. That was a huge reason to get it removed, not to mention it looked pretty gross poking out under my skin.

The process wasn't pleasant.  The medicine to deaden the area really, really burns. Then, I had to lay there, fully awake, knowing that the surgeon was slicing a pretty significant hole in my chest. And while I didn't feel any pain, I could feel the tug and pulling and hear the snips and cuts and watch the needle and thread. I only felt lightheaded and queasy a couple of times. Let's just say, I'm glad it is over! The area is a little tender, and the scar will take a while to heal, but hopefully it will look better than before. I'm very grateful to have a great team of skilled, kind doctors. Stephen tried to calm my nerves on the way to the appointment by mentioning we had watched James Bond perform a similar extraction on himself a couple of nights before in "Skyfall." Well yes, Stephen, I'm glad I didn't have to rip it out myself!

In other more important and fun news, James has decided that he will give walking a try at 14 1/2 months. He has been taking a step here and there for a couple of months now, but only in the last few days has he taken three or four steps consecutively. He has also started standing up from the ground using his strong little legs.  In addition to walking, he is really into climbing...the couch, chairs, train table, table set...not only climbing but hanging off the edge, and he has the bumps on his head to prove it! He is a stinker, and he knows it. If he is doing something he shouldn't or going after something and he knows I will stop him, he has the most mischievous grin on his face and will cut his eyes at me and laugh when I get on to him. That boy is a mess! This is such a fun age; I love to see what he will learn each day. His vocabulary is growing, and he is showing a fun little personality.  He has eight teeth, still takes two good naps a day and sleeps all night, and loves to eat!

Emmalyn continues to love school and her friends. Sadly, she has had so many friends move away, and she will miss another close friend who will move in December. Thankfully, she loves kids and makes friends easily. We have some decisions to make regarding her education for next year, but I know she loves being in the classroom, and I'm grateful for sweet teachers and the opportunity available at GSW this year. I'm trying to get her to narrow her Christmas list. It will be so much fun this year, and she is already asking to put up the Christmas tree. Maybe next week! Emmalyn has a vivid imagination, and I love to hear her playing.  She likes to play with stuffed animals and My Little Ponies and read books. She has learned a few words by sight like the words of colors just by seeing them on the classroom walls and other places. She is very bright and so funny! She still loves twirly skirts and dresses, and her greatest desire is to have a sleepover! A recent conversation went like this...
Emmalyn:  Why is Daddy so silly?
Me:  He's always silly.
Emmalyn:  But sometimes he's important...you're always important.
It made me laugh.

 I'm looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving with family this week and next, but first I get to go with Stephen to a conference in North Georgia without the kids. I'm hoping for a little rest and relaxation. The first week of December, I have some really exciting plans...Stephen's aunt is taking me to New York City...Broadway, Rockettes, Empire State Building...the works! I don't even know what to expect, other than having a great time! I am so blessed by my own family and also by Stephen's family!

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:1-5 NASB)

I've been in the press recently:

Stephen and I were in newspaper ads for Breast Cancer Awareness through the hospital.

Link to an article in the South Florida Parenting magazine about me:
http://fw.to/iPzjPsh

Celebrations!

We have had much to celebrate in the last few months! Stephen's brother, David, married Erin in a beautiful ceremony in Chattanooga in July. Emmalyn was a gorgeous flower girl; Stephen made a handsome groomsman.

 Emmalyn began Pre-K in August. She loves it! She is having so much fun learning new things and making new friends. Stephen is able to drop her off in the mornings since her school is on his campus. James and I are so glad to see her in the afternoons!

It has been six months since I finished radiation. I had a normal mammogram and a good check-up with my radiation oncologist last week.

And...on August 31...Sweet Baby James Turned One!

His birthday just happened to fall on a Saturday that just happened to be opening day for college football, so we appropriately had a tailgate-themed party. All of his cousins came to celebrate. We had fun food, great gifts, and plenty of cake! He is such a blessing, and it is truly a time to celebrate!

New train table!

James is healthy, sweet, has the best grin, and is absolutely precious! He is standing more confidently, but he is not yet walking. He has four little teeth, and six more are close to breaking the surface. He has had a few rough nights, but I treasure the chance to get in extra snuggles. James is tall and skinny, but he has a good appetite. He has successfully moved to whole milk in sippy cups. He is also sitting in a big carseat, a hand-me-down from Emmalyn after we let her pick out a new pink big-girl booster. It makes me a little sad that my baby is growing up! Just recently, though, he has become more of a "mama's boy," and I don't mind too much! We took photos of him and the family this week. I am excited to see the rest.

I am so grateful to be the mom of both Emmalyn and James, and I hope to inspire others to see how valuable all life is. I have a few opportunities to share our story in the coming days: a newsletter, an article, our Sunday School class, other women facing pregnancy and cancer, and this blog. I am grateful for these opportunities to share how God has been faithful to us and is providing for us continually. Even through tough times, we have an eternal hope and a peace about the future through our Savior, Jesus Christ. If this happens to be your first time reading my blog, I encourage you to read some of the earlier posts. Looking back, I am amazed at all that has happened and where we are now! 

I am also looking forward to my birthday on the 25th. I'll be 31 years old. These years are flying by! I am blessed to be feeling well and surrounded by my precious family. I'm glad to have some normalcy in my life! I will see my oncologist next in late October. I'll have another mammogram in six months (March). The tamoxifen hasn't been too bad, except for a few hot flashes. My hair is continuing to grow in pretty well, but it will take a long time to get any length. I was encouraged to be active, and I am making an effort to walk in the evenings. Things are going well!

I appreciate continued prayers for health, and I also ask for prayers for two ladies who are experiencing challenging pregnancies. Please also pray for Stephen's back. He has a crack in a vertebrae that has allowed a disc to slip, causing him back pain and weakness in his leg. We are exploring treatment options, and he may need surgery eventually.

Just a few versus that I've studied lately...

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, 'The righteous shall live by faith.'" (Romans 1:16, 17 ESV)

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand." (John 10:27, 28 ESV)

Getting Back to Normal

Best buddies!

Emmalyn and James are keeping me busy and entertained. They are so sweet together. Emmalyn is a great big sister! They are so happy to see each other in the morning. James just grins at her, and Emmalyn runs to play with him.  James is 8 months old now. His first two teeth have broken through in the last two weeks. He is not crawling yet, but he is beginning to pull his knees up under him in the position. He gets around pretty well already, though. He gets in the skydiver position with only his tummy touching the floor most of the time. He likely has a very strong back! He is very curious and grabs at everything, especially sister's hair and skirts. She tolerates him pretty well during these times. As she says, "he is just so cute!"  Most things go straight to his mouth. We have to be careful to keep Emmalyn's small toys off the floor. He "coo's" and says "guh," and sometimes I believe he says "hey." When he is really tired and frustrated, he shakes his head from side-to-side like he is saying no. They start early! He likes toys with music and kicks his legs to the beat. James is eating pretty well, though he still won't complete 8 ounces in most feedings. He loves sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, apples, pears, peaches, bananas, and cereal. We are adding new foods gradually. I made some baby food this week...butternut squash, sweet potatoes, and carrots, but I had to use our smoothie maker. He has tried my sweet potatoes and didn't hate them, though it wasn't as smooth as the jar stuff. Not too bad for a first try, I say!

First time in the pool.

Nothing like sand between your toes!

It is already so much fun to aggravate sister!

First two teeth!

Fun day at the strawberry farm.

He has experienced a few firsts in the past month...first trip to the beach with Stephen's aunt in Bonita Bay, first time in the swimming pool, first boat ride, first time at the zoo, first softball game to watch Dad, and first trip to the strawberry patch. It is fun to introduce these things again and have another fresh perspective on the world. He liked the sand; he warmed up to the pool and was in heaven. He is a water boy. 

We will dedicate James at church this Sunday. We are giving thanks to God for blessing us with him, and we are pledging to teach him about Jesus and raise him in a loving, caring, gentle family centered on Christ. We pray that his heart will be tender and drawn to Christ at a young age. We are also asking the church to support our family and encourage us and come alongside us to teach and direct James. It will be a special day!

Emmalyn LOVES the beach! She has improved greatly in the pool, too, and talks about swimming all the time now.  We visited Stephen's aunt near Naples and had a great time, then later that week we were in Atlanta for a NeedToBreathe concert at the Fox, which was great! It was kind of an end-of-treatment celebration, followed with a trip to Zoo Atlanta the next morning. The zoo also tops the list of Emmalyn's all-time favorite places. The girl is an animal lover!

Zoo Atlanta

Emmalyn is such a sweet girl. She is passionate about everything she does. She is very outgoing and interested in involving her friends and others in everything. She is very smart and so funny! She speaks really well and has an extensive vocabulary, but some of my favorite expressions from her (that I just can't correct her on) are "musnashes" for mustaches (we try to find opportunities for her to say it often), "babysittering" for babysitting, "my snog is running" when her nose runs, "my tummy is grumbly" when she is hungry, and "tinky" for pinky. Common phrases are "everyone will love it," referring to almost anything, "does it twirl?" for every single outfit, "put James down on his mat" when she wants me to play with her, and "can I watch 'My Little Ponies' on your iPad?" She absolutely loves all animals. She says that she is going to be a veterinarian when she gets big like me. She also likes taking pictures (with my camera under supervision!). She is really excited about school this fall, but she has expressed her displeasure at having to get shots. I promised her a trip to Chuck E Cheese that day, and I need to just bite the bullet and get her check-up over with. James and I will really miss her while she's at school!

Current favorite twirly dress.

Two months out from the end of radiation, I am feeling pretty well...almost normal! Well, my new normal, anyway. My hair is growing in pretty well. I have actually had it trimmed a couple of times to tame it as it grows out. I'm afraid it will get unmanageable really soon! It is so easy to take care of at this length, but I think I want it a little longer to look more feminine. I am still surprised sometimes by the numbness under my arm, and the tips of my toes and fingers are still slightly numb.  My teeth are the most sensitive. I was told that I need to wear my compression sock more often to help circulation after the clot in my leg. Overall, I don't have anything to complain about. The burns on my skin gradually got worse through the 36 radiation treatments, but it healed quickly within a couple of weeks.

At my three month follow-up with the oncologist, he said that I can consider myself cancer-free. Those are great words to hear! I'll have another appointment in early June, then appointments possibly every 6 months. I will see the radiation oncologist again in late June, then set up appointments every 6 months with him also, but staggered with my oncology visits so that I have an exam every three months. I will likely have mammograms twice a year and be monitored closely for the next few years.

Relay for Life Survivor's Lap

I am very relieved to be done! I was able to walk the Survivor's lap at our Relay for Life last week. I was proud to be there and feeling good. I'm always amazed at how prevalent cancer is and how many people are affected. Everyone's story is different, but we are connected in the battle. I hope that I can be an encouragement to others. There are several others in the midst of treatments or with a new diagnosis, and I pray for them as they often come to mind.

I am so glad to be at this point in my life. I have two beautiful, healthy children, a loving husband, and I'm feeling healthy. I have an interesting perspective on life after all of this, and I'm at a point that I feel like I can start to shift some focus on other things and maybe pay it forward. I will probably start working at the Crisis Pregnancy Center again; perhaps there is an expecting mother with a medical condition who could be encouraged by my story. I signed up to take a meal to another family; we were blessed by so many people with meals over the last year. I have been asked to give a little talk to a group of ladies next week. It will be my first time doing anything like that. I was interviewed by the local newspaper, too.  It is cool to be able to share my testimony of God's provisions and give hope to others with a devastating diagnosis. Just to look at James, I am overwhelmed at how perfect he is. I am so blessed, and I praise God for keeping him safe and showering our family with His blessings!

Easter 2013

My little miracle!

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..." - Jeremiah 1:5a

"for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:11-13

Finally Done!!!

I have had my last radiation treatment. After 36 trips to the hospital, I was definitely ready to be through! Does this really mean that this thing is over? No more chemo or radiation or cancer, ever? I certainly hope so! I'm sure there will be battles and mountaintops and valleys ahead for each of us, but this is a huge accomplishment! Treatment is over!

February 20, 2013

Radiation was interesting. I had 28 treatments in the tomotherapy machine that I described in a previous post. I had 8 additional treatments in a different machine that zoomed in to the localized area of the scar from the original tumor. That machine took just a few seconds. It made a loud buzz while the beam was on. My skin held up pretty well and has already begun to heal. It turned pink and became dry and itchy.  My underarm became tender from the skin burning coupled with friction of my arm rubbing the area. The skin eventually peeled, and it is much better now. I applied Aquaphor cream several times a day. It is thick and gross and got on my clothes. The general area shows some skin darkening (a slight tan, only localized), and I believe I have spotted a couple of new freckles. Overall, it wasn't too bad, and the weeks seemed to pass quickly. I have a follow-up in six weeks. I was told the radiation is still working for six weeks past the last treatment.

I have a follow-up appointment with my oncologist this week. I will learn more about monitoring and steps going forward. I will continue taking the tamoxifen pills for at least 5 years. I hope to get the life port removed soon. 

My parents, Stephen, and the kids were there to be witnesses as I rang the bell after my last treatment. I received a certificate of completion and took pictures. Stephen took me to the movies and to dinner and Target. We had a nice time celebrating. Meanwhile, Emmalyn and James went to Chuck E. Cheese's with their grandparents and had a big time.

Since I had no one to see and nothing pressing to be done away from the house, I have been staying in my pj's and having fun with the kids these past few days. The incessant rain has played a factor, too. We're getting a little stir crazy! The sun is finally shining now.

We went to the open house for Emmalyn's school she'll attention next year. I can't believe she is big enough for pre-k! She will have a blast, but she'll have to learn routines and how to share with friends. It might be an adjustment! She had a great time with Stephen at the Daddy-Daughter Dance earlier this month. She is continuing in gymnastics and doing well. She has a big imagination. She loves playing with her ponies and princesses. She likes taking pictures and decorating things with glitter paint. She still loves twirly things. In fact, she requested to sleep in something twirly last night. I guess she twirls in her sleep, too! She is improving in her writing, and she has a great memory.

James is nearly six months old! He is sitting with assistance and tries to hold his bottle. He has rolled over a few times in each direction, but I have yet to witness it. I have sat with the camera ready for long stretches without any action. It's getting frustrating! He has tried his first taste of rice cereal and likes it pretty well. We have to hold his hands down because he thinks he can feed himself with the spoon. He is growing too fast! He'll be crawling before we know it! He is still so sweet; just looking at him elicits a smile. His napping alternates weeks. He barely napped any day last week, but has been doing well this week. He always sleeps so well at night, usually about 12 hours or more. I am extremely thankful! The amount of slobber on his chin and his desire to chew everything in sight should mean a tooth is coming in, but it just hasn't broken through. He has been working on it for months!

James and Emmalyn are absolutely precious together. He watches her all day and stays entertained. She loves to hug and kiss him and thinks everything about him is cute. She plays with him and sings to him. I'm so glad they have each other, and I'm so blessed to be their mom!

In other news, we unfortunately had to replace our heating and air unit. The old one chugged along for 26 years, but it just couldn't go on any more. At least it improves the value of the house. And it is quieter and more reliable than the old one, that's for sure!

I have so many people to thank who have been a blessing to us over the last year. We are so grateful for their generosity with their time, talents, and resources. Thanks to everyone for the continued prayers! They are working, and we feel them!

^"14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God." -Colossians 3:14-16

"Oh sing to the Lord a new song,
    for he has done marvelous things!
His right hand and his holy arm
    have worked salvation for him." -Psalm 98:1

Looking Back

One year ago today, I received my cancer diagnosis. I also had my first ultrasound where James was too tiny to be seen. Now, James is 20 weeks old! He is absolutely precious. His sweet coos and huge grins warm my soul. Tomorrow, we will celebrate Emmalyn's 4th birthday party; her actual birthday is the 22nd. She is so excited about having a princess tea party with her sweet friends. I am happy to throw a celebration for her to make her day super special! I plan to make a "big cake" by request. If it turns out well, I'll post a picture. (If not, you'll know what happened :))I've been baking cake and cookies and plan to attempt pink popcorn. She has only been talking about this birthday since her last one! At her 3rd birthday party, I was still digesting the news and so unsure of everything the future held for our family. We pushed ahead and she was none the wiser. This year will be much more joyful for me!

James' First Christmas!

Loving her new Tag System

4 Months old!

Snyder Siblings and Cousins

Let's see...stage III breast cancer diagnosis, surgery, four chemo drugs, radiation, hormone therapy, a blood clot, and a baby...that's my year in review! It has been a "great adventure," and I can truly say that I praise the Lord for bringing me this far. He has been with me every step of the way, from pointing me to certain doctors, to having a less invasive surgery, to keeping me feeling well through chemo, to giving me a smooth delivery of James, to providing childcare during treatments, to having an encouraging CT scan, to putting me on the tomotherapy machine to reduce radiation effects, to placing survivors in my path to offer encouragement and answer questions, to blessings in the form of food and gifts, to keeping my hope in Him and giving me peace. I was asked if I ever felt depressed through all of this. I can honestly say that I haven't. I felt much more anxious before my diagnosis. By the time the words were out of the surgeon's mouth, I was already at peace. I knew from the beginning that it was all out of my hands. I had to fully rely on God to bring me through. I am still in that place of reliance, because, really, there is no where else to be. This situation is all just craziness! I don't mean to say that this has been easy. In fact, it has been really hard and is still hard. I'll have a pity party occasionally, but it doesn't last long. It could have been much worse, and I have felt God's presence throughout. I hope that someone reading this is encouraged. Maybe that is the sole purpose of all of this.

I will have my 13th radiation treatment today. I will be done around February 20th. For anyone that might be curious, I have a few blue marks making a grid on my chest and sides so that I can be lined up properly each day. I have to undress from the waist up and wear a hospital gown. I lay on the mold I made initially, flat on my back with my arms over my head. The machine is a tube that my upper body goes inside. I have a small CT scan each day, followed by the radiation. I am laying still on the table about 25 minutes. The tomotherapy maching is pretty loud; I assume the vacuum cleaner-type sound is a fan to keep the motor cool. The radiation sounds like rocks in a milk jug that circle around and around. I usually shut my eyes for a few minutes and try not to think about how still I need to be! Other ladies in the waiting room are having skin discomfort, like a sunburn. I am using a special deodorant. So far, my skin is not showing signs except for some redness under my arm. It may start getting more uncomfortable over the next few days. At least I don't have to get stuck!

The tamoxifen isn't so bad. I have hot flashes every now and then, but, thankfully, they have not woken me up in the middle of the night lately as they did the first few nights. I am also thankful that it is relatively cheap...about $10 a month. We'll be meeting out insurance deductible again this year, like in the first week of 2013! I am glad we have insurance and don't have to pay the full amount for radiation!

We had a good Christmas, except for the stomach bug that wiped all of us out. Emmalyn got her "magical pony with wings," stompeez slippers, and gymnastics leotards. Her favorite gift is probably the Tag reading system. It is amazing and has even deepened her love of books. I definitely recommend it! James loves his little learning toys and stuffed animals. His favorite thing at the moment is to play on his playmat. He kicks and coos and smiles at his toys. He is beginning to reach and pull at things, if only to get them in his mouth. He chews on his hands all the time. Maybe that tooth will break through one day soon! At his 4 month appointment, he weighed 12 pounds, 13 ounces and was 24 inches long. He is hanging around the 20th percentile, but he is steadily growing. We were able to meet the fiancée of Stephen's brother New Year's Eve. She asked Emmalyn to be a flower girl at their wedding this summer, and Emmalyn is so excited about wearing a pretty dress at the wedding! Stephen turned 31 on January 6th. We celebrated by going to dinner and a movie (Lincoln) and used our gift certificate for a night at the Plains Inn he won at a silent auction. We stayed in the 1930's. It was a fun weekend.

My anthem for today is "Never Once" by Matt Redman:

"Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

"Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

"Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

"Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

"Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

"Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful"