Looking Back

One year ago today, I received my cancer diagnosis. I also had my first ultrasound where James was too tiny to be seen. Now, James is 20 weeks old! He is absolutely precious. His sweet coos and huge grins warm my soul. Tomorrow, we will celebrate Emmalyn's 4th birthday party; her actual birthday is the 22nd. She is so excited about having a princess tea party with her sweet friends. I am happy to throw a celebration for her to make her day super special! I plan to make a "big cake" by request. If it turns out well, I'll post a picture. (If not, you'll know what happened :))I've been baking cake and cookies and plan to attempt pink popcorn. She has only been talking about this birthday since her last one! At her 3rd birthday party, I was still digesting the news and so unsure of everything the future held for our family. We pushed ahead and she was none the wiser. This year will be much more joyful for me!

James' First Christmas!

Loving her new Tag System

4 Months old!

Snyder Siblings and Cousins

Let's see...stage III breast cancer diagnosis, surgery, four chemo drugs, radiation, hormone therapy, a blood clot, and a baby...that's my year in review! It has been a "great adventure," and I can truly say that I praise the Lord for bringing me this far. He has been with me every step of the way, from pointing me to certain doctors, to having a less invasive surgery, to keeping me feeling well through chemo, to giving me a smooth delivery of James, to providing childcare during treatments, to having an encouraging CT scan, to putting me on the tomotherapy machine to reduce radiation effects, to placing survivors in my path to offer encouragement and answer questions, to blessings in the form of food and gifts, to keeping my hope in Him and giving me peace. I was asked if I ever felt depressed through all of this. I can honestly say that I haven't. I felt much more anxious before my diagnosis. By the time the words were out of the surgeon's mouth, I was already at peace. I knew from the beginning that it was all out of my hands. I had to fully rely on God to bring me through. I am still in that place of reliance, because, really, there is no where else to be. This situation is all just craziness! I don't mean to say that this has been easy. In fact, it has been really hard and is still hard. I'll have a pity party occasionally, but it doesn't last long. It could have been much worse, and I have felt God's presence throughout. I hope that someone reading this is encouraged. Maybe that is the sole purpose of all of this.

I will have my 13th radiation treatment today. I will be done around February 20th. For anyone that might be curious, I have a few blue marks making a grid on my chest and sides so that I can be lined up properly each day. I have to undress from the waist up and wear a hospital gown. I lay on the mold I made initially, flat on my back with my arms over my head. The machine is a tube that my upper body goes inside. I have a small CT scan each day, followed by the radiation. I am laying still on the table about 25 minutes. The tomotherapy maching is pretty loud; I assume the vacuum cleaner-type sound is a fan to keep the motor cool. The radiation sounds like rocks in a milk jug that circle around and around. I usually shut my eyes for a few minutes and try not to think about how still I need to be! Other ladies in the waiting room are having skin discomfort, like a sunburn. I am using a special deodorant. So far, my skin is not showing signs except for some redness under my arm. It may start getting more uncomfortable over the next few days. At least I don't have to get stuck!

The tamoxifen isn't so bad. I have hot flashes every now and then, but, thankfully, they have not woken me up in the middle of the night lately as they did the first few nights. I am also thankful that it is relatively cheap...about $10 a month. We'll be meeting out insurance deductible again this year, like in the first week of 2013! I am glad we have insurance and don't have to pay the full amount for radiation!

We had a good Christmas, except for the stomach bug that wiped all of us out. Emmalyn got her "magical pony with wings," stompeez slippers, and gymnastics leotards. Her favorite gift is probably the Tag reading system. It is amazing and has even deepened her love of books. I definitely recommend it! James loves his little learning toys and stuffed animals. His favorite thing at the moment is to play on his playmat. He kicks and coos and smiles at his toys. He is beginning to reach and pull at things, if only to get them in his mouth. He chews on his hands all the time. Maybe that tooth will break through one day soon! At his 4 month appointment, he weighed 12 pounds, 13 ounces and was 24 inches long. He is hanging around the 20th percentile, but he is steadily growing. We were able to meet the fiancée of Stephen's brother New Year's Eve. She asked Emmalyn to be a flower girl at their wedding this summer, and Emmalyn is so excited about wearing a pretty dress at the wedding! Stephen turned 31 on January 6th. We celebrated by going to dinner and a movie (Lincoln) and used our gift certificate for a night at the Plains Inn he won at a silent auction. We stayed in the 1930's. It was a fun weekend.

My anthem for today is "Never Once" by Matt Redman:

"Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

"Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

"Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

"Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

"Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

"Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful"