Finally Done!!!

I have had my last radiation treatment. After 36 trips to the hospital, I was definitely ready to be through! Does this really mean that this thing is over? No more chemo or radiation or cancer, ever? I certainly hope so! I'm sure there will be battles and mountaintops and valleys ahead for each of us, but this is a huge accomplishment! Treatment is over!

February 20, 2013

Radiation was interesting. I had 28 treatments in the tomotherapy machine that I described in a previous post. I had 8 additional treatments in a different machine that zoomed in to the localized area of the scar from the original tumor. That machine took just a few seconds. It made a loud buzz while the beam was on. My skin held up pretty well and has already begun to heal. It turned pink and became dry and itchy.  My underarm became tender from the skin burning coupled with friction of my arm rubbing the area. The skin eventually peeled, and it is much better now. I applied Aquaphor cream several times a day. It is thick and gross and got on my clothes. The general area shows some skin darkening (a slight tan, only localized), and I believe I have spotted a couple of new freckles. Overall, it wasn't too bad, and the weeks seemed to pass quickly. I have a follow-up in six weeks. I was told the radiation is still working for six weeks past the last treatment.

I have a follow-up appointment with my oncologist this week. I will learn more about monitoring and steps going forward. I will continue taking the tamoxifen pills for at least 5 years. I hope to get the life port removed soon. 

My parents, Stephen, and the kids were there to be witnesses as I rang the bell after my last treatment. I received a certificate of completion and took pictures. Stephen took me to the movies and to dinner and Target. We had a nice time celebrating. Meanwhile, Emmalyn and James went to Chuck E. Cheese's with their grandparents and had a big time.

Since I had no one to see and nothing pressing to be done away from the house, I have been staying in my pj's and having fun with the kids these past few days. The incessant rain has played a factor, too. We're getting a little stir crazy! The sun is finally shining now.

We went to the open house for Emmalyn's school she'll attention next year. I can't believe she is big enough for pre-k! She will have a blast, but she'll have to learn routines and how to share with friends. It might be an adjustment! She had a great time with Stephen at the Daddy-Daughter Dance earlier this month. She is continuing in gymnastics and doing well. She has a big imagination. She loves playing with her ponies and princesses. She likes taking pictures and decorating things with glitter paint. She still loves twirly things. In fact, she requested to sleep in something twirly last night. I guess she twirls in her sleep, too! She is improving in her writing, and she has a great memory.

James is nearly six months old! He is sitting with assistance and tries to hold his bottle. He has rolled over a few times in each direction, but I have yet to witness it. I have sat with the camera ready for long stretches without any action. It's getting frustrating! He has tried his first taste of rice cereal and likes it pretty well. We have to hold his hands down because he thinks he can feed himself with the spoon. He is growing too fast! He'll be crawling before we know it! He is still so sweet; just looking at him elicits a smile. His napping alternates weeks. He barely napped any day last week, but has been doing well this week. He always sleeps so well at night, usually about 12 hours or more. I am extremely thankful! The amount of slobber on his chin and his desire to chew everything in sight should mean a tooth is coming in, but it just hasn't broken through. He has been working on it for months!

James and Emmalyn are absolutely precious together. He watches her all day and stays entertained. She loves to hug and kiss him and thinks everything about him is cute. She plays with him and sings to him. I'm so glad they have each other, and I'm so blessed to be their mom!

In other news, we unfortunately had to replace our heating and air unit. The old one chugged along for 26 years, but it just couldn't go on any more. At least it improves the value of the house. And it is quieter and more reliable than the old one, that's for sure!

I have so many people to thank who have been a blessing to us over the last year. We are so grateful for their generosity with their time, talents, and resources. Thanks to everyone for the continued prayers! They are working, and we feel them!

^"14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God." -Colossians 3:14-16

"Oh sing to the Lord a new song,
    for he has done marvelous things!
His right hand and his holy arm
    have worked salvation for him." -Psalm 98:1

Looking Back

One year ago today, I received my cancer diagnosis. I also had my first ultrasound where James was too tiny to be seen. Now, James is 20 weeks old! He is absolutely precious. His sweet coos and huge grins warm my soul. Tomorrow, we will celebrate Emmalyn's 4th birthday party; her actual birthday is the 22nd. She is so excited about having a princess tea party with her sweet friends. I am happy to throw a celebration for her to make her day super special! I plan to make a "big cake" by request. If it turns out well, I'll post a picture. (If not, you'll know what happened :))I've been baking cake and cookies and plan to attempt pink popcorn. She has only been talking about this birthday since her last one! At her 3rd birthday party, I was still digesting the news and so unsure of everything the future held for our family. We pushed ahead and she was none the wiser. This year will be much more joyful for me!

James' First Christmas!

Loving her new Tag System

4 Months old!

Snyder Siblings and Cousins

Let's see...stage III breast cancer diagnosis, surgery, four chemo drugs, radiation, hormone therapy, a blood clot, and a baby...that's my year in review! It has been a "great adventure," and I can truly say that I praise the Lord for bringing me this far. He has been with me every step of the way, from pointing me to certain doctors, to having a less invasive surgery, to keeping me feeling well through chemo, to giving me a smooth delivery of James, to providing childcare during treatments, to having an encouraging CT scan, to putting me on the tomotherapy machine to reduce radiation effects, to placing survivors in my path to offer encouragement and answer questions, to blessings in the form of food and gifts, to keeping my hope in Him and giving me peace. I was asked if I ever felt depressed through all of this. I can honestly say that I haven't. I felt much more anxious before my diagnosis. By the time the words were out of the surgeon's mouth, I was already at peace. I knew from the beginning that it was all out of my hands. I had to fully rely on God to bring me through. I am still in that place of reliance, because, really, there is no where else to be. This situation is all just craziness! I don't mean to say that this has been easy. In fact, it has been really hard and is still hard. I'll have a pity party occasionally, but it doesn't last long. It could have been much worse, and I have felt God's presence throughout. I hope that someone reading this is encouraged. Maybe that is the sole purpose of all of this.

I will have my 13th radiation treatment today. I will be done around February 20th. For anyone that might be curious, I have a few blue marks making a grid on my chest and sides so that I can be lined up properly each day. I have to undress from the waist up and wear a hospital gown. I lay on the mold I made initially, flat on my back with my arms over my head. The machine is a tube that my upper body goes inside. I have a small CT scan each day, followed by the radiation. I am laying still on the table about 25 minutes. The tomotherapy maching is pretty loud; I assume the vacuum cleaner-type sound is a fan to keep the motor cool. The radiation sounds like rocks in a milk jug that circle around and around. I usually shut my eyes for a few minutes and try not to think about how still I need to be! Other ladies in the waiting room are having skin discomfort, like a sunburn. I am using a special deodorant. So far, my skin is not showing signs except for some redness under my arm. It may start getting more uncomfortable over the next few days. At least I don't have to get stuck!

The tamoxifen isn't so bad. I have hot flashes every now and then, but, thankfully, they have not woken me up in the middle of the night lately as they did the first few nights. I am also thankful that it is relatively cheap...about $10 a month. We'll be meeting out insurance deductible again this year, like in the first week of 2013! I am glad we have insurance and don't have to pay the full amount for radiation!

We had a good Christmas, except for the stomach bug that wiped all of us out. Emmalyn got her "magical pony with wings," stompeez slippers, and gymnastics leotards. Her favorite gift is probably the Tag reading system. It is amazing and has even deepened her love of books. I definitely recommend it! James loves his little learning toys and stuffed animals. His favorite thing at the moment is to play on his playmat. He kicks and coos and smiles at his toys. He is beginning to reach and pull at things, if only to get them in his mouth. He chews on his hands all the time. Maybe that tooth will break through one day soon! At his 4 month appointment, he weighed 12 pounds, 13 ounces and was 24 inches long. He is hanging around the 20th percentile, but he is steadily growing. We were able to meet the fiancée of Stephen's brother New Year's Eve. She asked Emmalyn to be a flower girl at their wedding this summer, and Emmalyn is so excited about wearing a pretty dress at the wedding! Stephen turned 31 on January 6th. We celebrated by going to dinner and a movie (Lincoln) and used our gift certificate for a night at the Plains Inn he won at a silent auction. We stayed in the 1930's. It was a fun weekend.

My anthem for today is "Never Once" by Matt Redman:

"Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

"Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

"Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

"Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

"Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

"Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful"

Christmas Blessings

What a difference a year makes! My heart is light and I am so excited about Christmas! Stephen reminded me of last year, when we were just investigating "the lump". There were still so many scary unknowns, and I was sad about the baby we lost that would have been due in early January.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor." (Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV)

I want to write about these things to show the glory of the Lord and to encourage others. See what the Lord has done!

Last week, I received the call that my CT scan looked clear. It was a real encouragement for me. Realistically, I know the possibilities of microscopic cells floating around, but I feel as if I have been given a new lease on life. It is so easy to imagine all the terrible possibilities (I have had a year to do so) and was almost preparing myself for the worst, but the good report really gives me hope. I feel more relaxed and joyful.

I have the best Christmas blessings in my home. James is kicking and cooing and smiling at me as I type. He is absolutely precious! He is 16 weeks old today! And Emmalyn is so sweet and smart! She asks every day if it is Christmas yet, and if she can open presents. I made "snow" with corn starch and shaving cream, and she loves playing with it. She would love for it to really snow. We need to take that girl north! I can't believe she will turn 4 in one month!

I am preparing for radiation now. It will begin January 2nd. I have had two planning/ mapping scans this week, the second one after my doctor decided to assign me to their newest machine. It uses tomography and is more precise. It will hit less of the surrounding areas, like my lung. I have made the mold I will lay on each time. I just have to show up now! It will take about 30 minutes every day for 35 sessions. It all seems like a mad scientist's experiment! I am getting pretty accustomed to "exposing" myself, even as modest as I was before. It's just a fact of life now.  I will have to drive to Albany every day, and I am still trying to work out child care. I am eager to get started so that I can finish!

So far, I have felt okay with the tamoxifen. I have had a few hot flashes at night, but that's pretty much it. The neuropathy is about the same, but I don't really expect improvements for a few months.

As I have said, this Christmas I feel so blessed. I want others to know that as scary as cancer seems, the treatments are survivable! The doctors and nurses are very kind and make the process more bearable. This has been the quickest year! I am so grateful to have had my little buddy to go through the process with. James is a wonderful blessing! I am looking forward to a fresh beginning in 2013 (after radiation)!

It truly is a Merry Christmas! Peace has come!

"and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests." (Luke 2:7-14 NIV)

Peace and Thanksgiving

As the season of Thanksgiving passes and Christmas approaches, I have so much to be thankful for.  This week I completed chemotherapy.  Stephen got me a dozen roses and the nurses and doctors in the chemo clinic sang an embarrassing song and gave me a bottle of sparkling grape juice. I have had 24 doses of chemo since March (18 technical "rounds"). My weekly sessions had become routine. I will have a little freedom...at least until I start radiation in January.  When radiation is over, likely in February, I really won't know what to do with myself! I'll just get to enjoy my little family!  I have a radiation planning session December 18, and I'll start taking tamoxifen soon.

I look forward to gradually feeling better as the effects of chemo fade. My hands and feet may take a while to return to normal. Last night, I had a splinter in my thumb and could barely even feel it. The joints in my hands and my elbows and knees are a little achy. Even my teeth hurt!  I felt better after taking a week off chemo after my ninth round, so I have hope of a full recovery from neuropathy. My hair thinned some during taxol, but I did not lose it all as I expected to. I even had a little hair trim to clean up the edges yesterday! 

Overall, I would say that chemo was not what I expected.  I feel so blessed to have felt pretty well throughout the past several months. I really have sympathy for those that suffer immensly from chemo. I feel covered in prayers from around the world! My only real complaints have come from a blood clot and numb hands and feet. I didn't even consider those side effects when I began! My stomach has been a little more sensitive of late, but nothing too bad. I have not been able to walk as much as I would like because it seems my feet hurt much more after exercising. I have purposely tried to not over-exert myself during this time, and I have had enough energy to take care of Emmalyn and James. It certainly helps now that James is sleeping through the night. He sleeps about ten hours or more.  That is a true blessing! The house is a mess, but I have never claimed to be a good housekeeper! I keep the bottles and clothes clean, and I feel accomplished.

Emmalyn and James are such joys! James responds with goofy grins and "goo's" when you talk to him. He laughed out loud last night when Stephen blew raspberries on his tummy. He is 14 weeks old. He is growing too fast! He is filling out his 3 months clothes. I love when he stops drinking his bottle for a moment to flash a smile and "goo," just because he likes looking at me!

 Emmalyn had her first haircut yesterday. She has been talking about going to the "barber shop" to get a haircut for a while. She was so excited! She sat perfectly still and told the hairdresser all about her pets. She is excited about Christmas. She helped me decorate the tree. She even remembered needing to wear gloves to fluff out the branches from last year.  She has an amazing memory! A few branches near the bottom are a little heavy with ornaments, but I think she did a great job, and I'm not fixing it! She was ready for presents as soon as we started decorating.  She says she wants a "magical pony with wings" when asked what she wants for Christmas. Fortunately for me, there was a set of about ten My Little Pony figures for $15 during Black Friday.  We are trying to make sure that she understands how fun it is to bless others this time of year. She helped me shop for and pack shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. She really liked a guitar that we bought for a little girl our Sunday School class is blessing for Christmas. Emmalyn now understands that it is for someone else but she would still like one for her birthday. She has also been a big help to me as we make treats for parties. She loves to cook...she really loves doing whatever I am doing. She is a mini me! A phrase she says often is, "When I get big like you...". That sweet girl is growing up too fast!

Before

After Cut and Style

Christmas came early for me this year. I got myself a Canon T3 dslr (an online Black Friday deal). Our old camera quit working in protest the night I ordered the new one! I have not even begun to explore all the capabilities of the new camera, but I am enjoying it already, even in auto mode. 

I feel like I have one more little hurdle to clear. I have CT scans scheduled this coming Wednesday. I should get the results on Thursday. I would have had scans when I was first diagnosed to be sure of the staging, but I couldn't, obviously, because of the pregnancy.  My oncologist expects them to be clear, especially after chemo. He didn't really even want to do them, though he was leaving the decision in my hands. The radiation oncologist made the decision for me, however. He wants to be sure of the status before radiation starts. So, I would really appreciate the prayers for clean scans and peace as I await the results. 

I LOVE Christmas music. The Casting Crowns version of "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" keeps playing in my head (and in my car since I bought the cd).  I am reminded of the promises in Psalm 121 that God does not sleep:

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore." (Psalm 121:1-8 NIV)

May I face these coming days with peace and thankfulness. May the joy of the Christmas season fill our family and yours!

His first Christmas Parade

A Blink

One month old and not interested in pictures...

I had to title this post "a blink," because I blinked and I suddenly have a one-month-old, I am 30 years old, and I am a third of the way through chemo treatments!

James is growing so fast. We have a six-week checkup at the end of the week. I can't wait to see how much he weighs. He seems so much bigger, though we still get a lot of comments about how small he is; he's probably now the size of most newborns. I can't really tell who he favors. He is a good mixture. He regrettably doesn't sleep as much during the day, but he sleeps fairly well at night. He'll sleep four hour stretches between feedings at night. I switched to a gentle formula because he had a few rough days; the formula definitely seems to not hurt his stomach as much, and he is more settled. The poor little thing has baby acne and is going bald but he is still really cute! He is very alert and has such expressive eyes. He is a sweet little blessing!

September 25, 2012 marked my 30th birthday. It was a little bittersweet. No one imagines they will be going through cancer treatments when they are 30. I had a really sweet birthday dinner with family and a few friends. Stephen even got one of our favorite Christian artists, Aaron Shust, to record a birthday message and sing "happy birthday" to me. It was a fun surprise. I got a pair of leather Croc sandals I had been eyeing all summer and another charm for my necklace. I expanded my wardrobe, and I still have a little birthday money to spend when I get to a store one day! I am thankful for another year, and I hope to have many, many more birthdays!

I have had four of twelve weekly taxol treatments. My hair has not fallen out yet, which is a little surprising. I have gotten several compliments about my new short "do." It is easy to manage! I haven't really had any stomach issues. The main symptom that is setting in is neuropathy, tingling and numbness in the hands and feet. It may get progressively worse through treatments, and there is a chance it could be permanent. We have to keep it in check to  make sure my quality of life is not affected. It is just a little strange and annoying at this point. When I lie in bed, the soles of my feet feel like I walked on hot concrete. The tips of my fingers tingle as if they are "waking up" from falling asleep. I'm praying for a full recovery after treatment! The main difference between taxol and the chemo I took before is the way it is administered. Taxol can cause allergic reactions, so I am given Benadryl during treatments. I am loopy and have to sleep away the rest of the day. I hate that feeling! At least it is passing really quickly. I'll be done before I know it...which means Christmas will be here soon!

Our Cowgirl at Cowpoke

Our Cowboy

Emmalyn has been so sweet with James. She kisses him every time she walks by him, and she loves to hold him and hug him. She lets me know when he is crying (even when I am ignoring him on purpose!) She makes sure he is taken care of! She had a big day Saturday at the Cowpoke Carnival. She rode a horse, jumped in the castle, got her face painted, and ate cotton candy.  I surprised her Saturday night with a "unicorn dream light." She has been asking for one for a long time. She loves to go to bed now and see the stars shining on her ceiling. It is a good tool to make bedtime smooth! We are looking forward to visiting the pumpkin patch soon. She says she wants to be a dolphin for Halloween. I might have to be creative with a costume! We have trunks of treats and a carnival at church that is always fun. I love fall!

I am really grateful that I feel well. We got a very nice double jogging stroller with gift cards, and we have been going on walks lately. We are so blessed by the gifts for James and Emmalyn and all the meals. It is very nice to not have to worry about what's for dinner a couple days of the week. Our parents have been sweet to keep our kids when I go to treatments, too. I don't think they mind too much.

I'll leave you with the words of Aaron Shust's song, "My Hope Is In You"

I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries
"Holy! Hallelujah, Father, You're near!"

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long, I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You alone

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries 

"Glory! Hallelujah, Father, You're here!"

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long, I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You alone

I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge

My hope is in You, Lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long I won't be shaken by drought or storm

A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You alone
My hope is in You alone, yeah
My hope is in You alone

He's Here!

As I type this, I have the sweetest little cuddle bug curled up on my chest. He has the softest red-ish hair, pretty blue-gray eyes, and pink skin. James Edward Snyder was born August 31, 2012 at 3:29 p.m.  He weighed 5 pounds, 2 ounces and was 18 1/2 inches long. He is the skinniest little thing, but he is strong, especially when you try to change his diaper! He has a dimple on his right cheek. As Emmalyn says, "He's so cute!" Then, she gives him a kiss. She loves her little brother and is a big help; she'll take bottles to the sink, throw diapers away, and help burp him. She likes to steal the burp cloths, though (they're just the right size to use as blankets for stuffed animals).

An advantage to bottle feeding is that Stephen can get up to feed James at night. We take turns, so we're not too sleep deprived. James eats about every three hours and sleeps well between feedings. He weighed 5 pounds last Wednesday. He had grown to 5 pounds, 6 ounces, yesterday.

The delivery went really well. I progressed well with the induction. I had a good epidural and couldn't walk for a few hours. I had no pain and no regrets :). He pretty much popped out with two pushes. It's nice to have little babies! We were able to go home the next day.

He has been an awesome addition to our family. The dynamics work out nicely with two parents for two kids...we can split up the tasks. I am grateful Stephen takes an active parenting role and doesn't mind changing diapers or taking Emmalyn to gymnastics.

I've really enjoyed these few peaceful days with Emmalyn and James. We haven't had too many visitors and I feel good (I no longer have a baby in my ribs!), but I begin a new chemo treatment tomorrow and will have to leave my babies for the day with their grandparents.  I'll take taxol once a week for 12 weeks. Radiation will follow that every day for 7 weeks.

I am hoping and expecting to not have a bad reaction to the chemo. I want to maintain my energy so I won't need too much help at home. I also pray the chemo does its job, and by next spring, I hope to have a clean bill of health!

We appreciate all the gifts for James and Emmalyn. We have received just what we needed for the new baby. I'll be working on baby announcements and thank you notes soon!

"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." (James 1:17 NASB)

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, 

The fruit of the womb is a reward." (Psalm 127:3 NASB)

The Time Has Come!

I can't sleep so well this week. I guess it's because I am a little anxious about the next couple of days...you see, we're going to have a baby!

James is doing really well according to non-stress tests and movement counts. He is just a little small.  Last week the fetal specialist decided that his growth had slowed enough (down to the 9th percentile) to warrant an induction at 37 weeks...this Friday, August 31! We will go to the hospital Thursday night to begin cervidil. The pitocin will start Friday morning. Hopefully, we will have a baby Friday, though my doctor gave a precaution that my labor could take a while to really start, and we may have to try again another day (surely not!).  I moved from my blood thinner to heparin in preparation for delivery, and I have a trail of bruises on my belly from the injections. I will take the bruises in order to be able to have an epidural, though!

We have been frantically trying to reorganize our house the past few days. I had been procrastinating, but the time has come to get on the ball! With the help of friends and family, we moved Emmalyn into our guest room, which means all the furniture and junk from our guest room has to go somewhere. We put the old mattress by the road. One of the city workers asked if she could take it for her child whose home recently burned. We were skeptical that anyone would want a used mattress, but they were desperate. When they came by to pick it up last night, I also gave them the comforter set with pillows, a box of clothes sitting by the door we had planned to give Goodwill, and a lamp. I was glad to get it out of the house and happy that someone could use it!

Emmalyn loves her new room. She said it is "gorgeous!" In my head, I imagined that she would have so much room, and we could put all of her toys in there to get them out of the living room. In actuality, the room filled up fast. I just wish our house had more closet space!

James has been showered with so many sweet gifts. My friends and family threw me a shower this past weekend, and we were given a wonderful variety of useful baby things. The little clothes are all washed and put away, and the car seat is washed and ready. The diaper changing station is set up, the bottles are all washed, and his bed is awaiting a little warm body. He will sleep in our room in a pack-n-play for a few weeks. I also ordered a swing that I hope he enjoys while I spend some time with Emmalyn or rest myself. I am glad that babies sleep so much in the beginning while the family adjusts to having another child!

After the delivery, I will start back on my original blood thinner to prevent clots. I will see my oncologist two weeks after the birth to set a plan for starting taxol and possibly having a complete scan. I am a little afraid of what could be found on a scan, but I am trying to give those worries to the Lord. My oncogist believes the chance of seeing anything else is pretty small, but it might put my mind at ease. Besides, my life is about to be so full with two kids that I won't have time to dwell on the possibilities. God is so good!

I truly cannot believe how time has flown. It seems like our journey has only just begun, and here we are nine months later! I am getting excited to see his little face. To see his little features and smell his sweet scent and see what color all his hair is will be heavenly. I can't wait to see Emmalyn's face when she meets James for the first time, too!  She picked out a little stuffed chicken (of all things!) to give James when they meet, and I have gathered her a movie and toys for him to "give" her. They have matching "big sister" and "little brother" shirts to wear. It will be such a blessed time!

"When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,
Your consolations delight my soul." (Psalm 94:19 NASB)

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward." (Psalm 127:3 NASB)

"Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel,
Who alone works wonders.
And blessed be His glorious name forever;
And may the whole earth be filled with His glory.
Amen, and Amen." (Psalm 72:18, 19 NASB)