How Did I Get Here?

Well, one week down, and I feel normal. I did not have any noticeable side effects from the first round. I had a "Day 8" dose of 5FU today, and I still feel ok.  Either the preventative drugs are miracle-workers, or I have a digestive system of steel. In either case, God is so good, and I praise Him for this blessing. I also appreciate all the prayers, cards, food, flowers, and gifts from friends and family. We are so grateful. We spent the week enjoying the glorious weather and flowers.

I visited my local hospital that is in affiliation with my main hospital for my dose today. The facilities were really nice, and the staff was great, again. I had a couple of nurses and volunteers come to me to say that I was on their church prayer lists.

I would like to give a little of the background story of my journey so far, in part to offer a word of advice and encouragement to not ignore any health issues that may be bothering you.  I apologize for the novel-length!

About five years ago, I had a few lumps in my breasts that were unusual. I mentioned it to my gyn, who ordered an ultrasound. They were determined to be fibrous tissue and nothing to be worried about. I had a follow-up ultrasound six months later with the same results. My mind was at ease. Fast-forward a couple of years, and I have my daughter. I nursed her for a year, and any strange places I felt in my breasts, I attributed to nursing or the fibrous places. I did not have a breast exam that year at my check-up because I was nursing.  For the next couple of years, I did not schedule my yearly physical because I didn't feel like going. I mean, who likes to sign up to be poked and prodded? And, I was relatively "healthy and young."

We decided that Emmalyn needed a little sibling, so we hoped to get pregnant in late 2010.  It took us several months to get a positive result, but we were thrilled in April 2011.  However, we had a miscarriage in May of 2011. My progesterone levels were low, and might have contributed to the miscarriage. It was something that could be helped in the future. We tried a few more months unsuccessfully.  I also had been noticing that the rather-evident lump in my right breast was a little tender, as was a spot under my arm, especially before my periods. I could no longer feel the other lumps that had been there years ago.  It started to really weigh on my mind. I also wanted to talk to the doctor about progesterone supplements, so I finally made an appointment for a physical in late November 2011.

As the doctor proceeded with the exam and felt the lump, I explained that I had a history of fibrous lumps that were of no concern. He wanted it to be investigated right away and made an appointment with a surgeon so that if the surgeon felt a mammogram was needed, insurance would likely pay for it. I didn't even bring up the progesterone issue.

I met with a surgeon a couple of weeks later. He told us that he likes to remove lumps from breasts in any case, because they shouldn't be there, and you can stay ahead of the game. I scheduled the ultrasound and mammogram for January 3. I was given an envelope with the results from the radiologist to give to the surgeon for the biopsy. I didn't want to read the report before the biopsy gave the full story, but Stephen looked and made me think I should look.  The terminology said something to the effect of "highly suspicious of malignancy." I knew that wasn't good, but from that point forward, I had accepted the possibility that I could have cancer. The biopsy was performed on January 11.  The surgeon deadened the area, cut a small hole, and shot a gun-type needle device through the lump three times to get cross-sections.  The whole process was so weird! I'm just glad I couldn't feel any of it.

Meanwhile, I had a sinking suspicion that I could be pregnant. We had not been preventing pregnancy, but we had tried for so long, I didn't worry that we might get pregnant, and I didn't really believe that I could have cancer, either. To ease my mind, I took a home pregnancy test Friday, January 13. It looked faintly positive. I made a trip to the store to grab another test to be sure. It was faintly positive, too. I called Stephen to see when he might get home, and he said, "When are we due?" I guess he could tell something in my voice :) . I had so many mixed emotions, but in that first phone call, Stephen noticed my hesitancy, and he told me that it was okay to be happy. I knew then that the baby was a blessing, and that even if the biopsy was positive, I had already been given a gift.

The "results day" arrived on January 18.  I told the nurse who took my vitals that I had a positive pregnancy test. Before the surgeon came in the room, I heard him speaking to the nurse about my news.  Then, he didn't come into the room until some time later. He had called my ob/gyn, so he could send me over there after he gave me his news. The surgeon congratulated me on the pregnancy, and then said that, unfortunately, the biopsy showed cancerous cells. The lump seemed to be "in situ," estrogen- and progesterone-receptor positive, and about 3 cm.  It seemed like favorable news, if it had to be cancer. He said he would set me up with the oncologist and radiologist he would send his wife to, if she had cancer. He also revealed that his wife was pregnant, too.  We left his office in a fog. Stephen was pretty upset, but I had already decided that everything was in God's hands, and we would take it one day at a time. At the ob/gyn, we had an ultrasound to age the pregnancy. The technician couldn't see a baby; I was too early in the pregnancy. They took blood for pregnancy hormone levels, and we headed home, knowing I had cancer and unsure if I had a viable pregnancy. It was a pretty terrible day!

I met my oncologist and radiation oncologist on the 20th. My oncologist is fairly laid-back and friendly. He walked in and said,"So, what in the world is going on?" He laid out a good plan for us. He felt the node under my arm, and told us I was at least Stage II. He warned us that the radiation oncologist may encourage us to terminate the pregnancy, and he did. But, at least I don't have to see the radiation oncologist again until after the baby comes! Over the next few days, I had more pregnancy hormone tests, genetic counseling by telephone, and BRCA tests drawn.  Thankfully, the BRCA results were normal, so my family can rest easier. We had another ultrasound, and we saw the tiny baby. My surgery was scheduled for February 7. I was 7 1/2 weeks along in the pregnancy. The surgeon felt I was a good candidate for a lumpectomy. I was grateful to have that decision made.

I was a little nervous about the surgery, but it was just another day on the great adventure! I got to see the inside of an operating room for the first time, and had my first experience with general anesthesia. I had the lump removed, with clear margins.  He removed 19 lymph nodes under my arm and inserted a drain and life port.  I wasn't in too much pain, but a day of not eating combined with pain pills made me sick. I was doing pretty well, otherwise. I got my pathology report on the 10th at my follow-up. 9 of the 19 lymph nodes were positive.  The margins were clear on the 2.5 cm lump. I was Stage III.

The drain was a huge hassle. Two weeks after surgery, it was still draining a good bit, but the surgeon took it out. I spent another two weeks bandaging it because it continued to leak.  March 7, one month after surgery, the drain site was finally healed, and I felt like a new woman! Overall, I am pleased about the surgery. I don't have to worry about reconstruction or prostheses, and the scars are not visible with clothes.

So, now I am in the next phase of treatment, the chemo. Through it all, I have peace that in the end, no matter what happens, I am safe in the arms of God. I have so many good days, and I am blessed with a great family. I love the words to the old hymn, "Great is Thy Faithfulness."  Stephen and I chose this song to for our wedding and to represent our marriage and lives.

"Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

• "Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"
    Morning by morning new mercies I see;
  All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
      "Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

© 1923. Ren. 1951 Hope Publishing Co., Carol Stream, IL 60188
www.hopepublishing.com

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/19#ixzz1qGodMV7F