A Blink

One month old and not interested in pictures...

I had to title this post "a blink," because I blinked and I suddenly have a one-month-old, I am 30 years old, and I am a third of the way through chemo treatments!

James is growing so fast. We have a six-week checkup at the end of the week. I can't wait to see how much he weighs. He seems so much bigger, though we still get a lot of comments about how small he is; he's probably now the size of most newborns. I can't really tell who he favors. He is a good mixture. He regrettably doesn't sleep as much during the day, but he sleeps fairly well at night. He'll sleep four hour stretches between feedings at night. I switched to a gentle formula because he had a few rough days; the formula definitely seems to not hurt his stomach as much, and he is more settled. The poor little thing has baby acne and is going bald but he is still really cute! He is very alert and has such expressive eyes. He is a sweet little blessing!

September 25, 2012 marked my 30th birthday. It was a little bittersweet. No one imagines they will be going through cancer treatments when they are 30. I had a really sweet birthday dinner with family and a few friends. Stephen even got one of our favorite Christian artists, Aaron Shust, to record a birthday message and sing "happy birthday" to me. It was a fun surprise. I got a pair of leather Croc sandals I had been eyeing all summer and another charm for my necklace. I expanded my wardrobe, and I still have a little birthday money to spend when I get to a store one day! I am thankful for another year, and I hope to have many, many more birthdays!

I have had four of twelve weekly taxol treatments. My hair has not fallen out yet, which is a little surprising. I have gotten several compliments about my new short "do." It is easy to manage! I haven't really had any stomach issues. The main symptom that is setting in is neuropathy, tingling and numbness in the hands and feet. It may get progressively worse through treatments, and there is a chance it could be permanent. We have to keep it in check to  make sure my quality of life is not affected. It is just a little strange and annoying at this point. When I lie in bed, the soles of my feet feel like I walked on hot concrete. The tips of my fingers tingle as if they are "waking up" from falling asleep. I'm praying for a full recovery after treatment! The main difference between taxol and the chemo I took before is the way it is administered. Taxol can cause allergic reactions, so I am given Benadryl during treatments. I am loopy and have to sleep away the rest of the day. I hate that feeling! At least it is passing really quickly. I'll be done before I know it...which means Christmas will be here soon!

Our Cowgirl at Cowpoke

Our Cowboy

Emmalyn has been so sweet with James. She kisses him every time she walks by him, and she loves to hold him and hug him. She lets me know when he is crying (even when I am ignoring him on purpose!) She makes sure he is taken care of! She had a big day Saturday at the Cowpoke Carnival. She rode a horse, jumped in the castle, got her face painted, and ate cotton candy.  I surprised her Saturday night with a "unicorn dream light." She has been asking for one for a long time. She loves to go to bed now and see the stars shining on her ceiling. It is a good tool to make bedtime smooth! We are looking forward to visiting the pumpkin patch soon. She says she wants to be a dolphin for Halloween. I might have to be creative with a costume! We have trunks of treats and a carnival at church that is always fun. I love fall!

I am really grateful that I feel well. We got a very nice double jogging stroller with gift cards, and we have been going on walks lately. We are so blessed by the gifts for James and Emmalyn and all the meals. It is very nice to not have to worry about what's for dinner a couple days of the week. Our parents have been sweet to keep our kids when I go to treatments, too. I don't think they mind too much.

I'll leave you with the words of Aaron Shust's song, "My Hope Is In You"

I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries
"Holy! Hallelujah, Father, You're near!"

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long, I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You alone

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries 

"Glory! Hallelujah, Father, You're here!"

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long, I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You alone

I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge

My hope is in You, Lord, all the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long I won't be shaken by drought or storm

A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You alone
My hope is in You alone, yeah
My hope is in You alone

He's Here!

As I type this, I have the sweetest little cuddle bug curled up on my chest. He has the softest red-ish hair, pretty blue-gray eyes, and pink skin. James Edward Snyder was born August 31, 2012 at 3:29 p.m.  He weighed 5 pounds, 2 ounces and was 18 1/2 inches long. He is the skinniest little thing, but he is strong, especially when you try to change his diaper! He has a dimple on his right cheek. As Emmalyn says, "He's so cute!" Then, she gives him a kiss. She loves her little brother and is a big help; she'll take bottles to the sink, throw diapers away, and help burp him. She likes to steal the burp cloths, though (they're just the right size to use as blankets for stuffed animals).

An advantage to bottle feeding is that Stephen can get up to feed James at night. We take turns, so we're not too sleep deprived. James eats about every three hours and sleeps well between feedings. He weighed 5 pounds last Wednesday. He had grown to 5 pounds, 6 ounces, yesterday.

The delivery went really well. I progressed well with the induction. I had a good epidural and couldn't walk for a few hours. I had no pain and no regrets :). He pretty much popped out with two pushes. It's nice to have little babies! We were able to go home the next day.

He has been an awesome addition to our family. The dynamics work out nicely with two parents for two kids...we can split up the tasks. I am grateful Stephen takes an active parenting role and doesn't mind changing diapers or taking Emmalyn to gymnastics.

I've really enjoyed these few peaceful days with Emmalyn and James. We haven't had too many visitors and I feel good (I no longer have a baby in my ribs!), but I begin a new chemo treatment tomorrow and will have to leave my babies for the day with their grandparents.  I'll take taxol once a week for 12 weeks. Radiation will follow that every day for 7 weeks.

I am hoping and expecting to not have a bad reaction to the chemo. I want to maintain my energy so I won't need too much help at home. I also pray the chemo does its job, and by next spring, I hope to have a clean bill of health!

We appreciate all the gifts for James and Emmalyn. We have received just what we needed for the new baby. I'll be working on baby announcements and thank you notes soon!

"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." (James 1:17 NASB)

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, 

The fruit of the womb is a reward." (Psalm 127:3 NASB)

The Time Has Come!

I can't sleep so well this week. I guess it's because I am a little anxious about the next couple of days...you see, we're going to have a baby!

James is doing really well according to non-stress tests and movement counts. He is just a little small.  Last week the fetal specialist decided that his growth had slowed enough (down to the 9th percentile) to warrant an induction at 37 weeks...this Friday, August 31! We will go to the hospital Thursday night to begin cervidil. The pitocin will start Friday morning. Hopefully, we will have a baby Friday, though my doctor gave a precaution that my labor could take a while to really start, and we may have to try again another day (surely not!).  I moved from my blood thinner to heparin in preparation for delivery, and I have a trail of bruises on my belly from the injections. I will take the bruises in order to be able to have an epidural, though!

We have been frantically trying to reorganize our house the past few days. I had been procrastinating, but the time has come to get on the ball! With the help of friends and family, we moved Emmalyn into our guest room, which means all the furniture and junk from our guest room has to go somewhere. We put the old mattress by the road. One of the city workers asked if she could take it for her child whose home recently burned. We were skeptical that anyone would want a used mattress, but they were desperate. When they came by to pick it up last night, I also gave them the comforter set with pillows, a box of clothes sitting by the door we had planned to give Goodwill, and a lamp. I was glad to get it out of the house and happy that someone could use it!

Emmalyn loves her new room. She said it is "gorgeous!" In my head, I imagined that she would have so much room, and we could put all of her toys in there to get them out of the living room. In actuality, the room filled up fast. I just wish our house had more closet space!

James has been showered with so many sweet gifts. My friends and family threw me a shower this past weekend, and we were given a wonderful variety of useful baby things. The little clothes are all washed and put away, and the car seat is washed and ready. The diaper changing station is set up, the bottles are all washed, and his bed is awaiting a little warm body. He will sleep in our room in a pack-n-play for a few weeks. I also ordered a swing that I hope he enjoys while I spend some time with Emmalyn or rest myself. I am glad that babies sleep so much in the beginning while the family adjusts to having another child!

After the delivery, I will start back on my original blood thinner to prevent clots. I will see my oncologist two weeks after the birth to set a plan for starting taxol and possibly having a complete scan. I am a little afraid of what could be found on a scan, but I am trying to give those worries to the Lord. My oncogist believes the chance of seeing anything else is pretty small, but it might put my mind at ease. Besides, my life is about to be so full with two kids that I won't have time to dwell on the possibilities. God is so good!

I truly cannot believe how time has flown. It seems like our journey has only just begun, and here we are nine months later! I am getting excited to see his little face. To see his little features and smell his sweet scent and see what color all his hair is will be heavenly. I can't wait to see Emmalyn's face when she meets James for the first time, too!  She picked out a little stuffed chicken (of all things!) to give James when they meet, and I have gathered her a movie and toys for him to "give" her. They have matching "big sister" and "little brother" shirts to wear. It will be such a blessed time!

"When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,
Your consolations delight my soul." (Psalm 94:19 NASB)

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward." (Psalm 127:3 NASB)

"Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel,
Who alone works wonders.
And blessed be His glorious name forever;
And may the whole earth be filled with His glory.
Amen, and Amen." (Psalm 72:18, 19 NASB)

The Countdown

A few significant things have occurred in the last month or so. Stephen and I lost a dear friend on June 30 to an accident. Jay Williams has been a great friend to us since college. He was always one for adventure, with a smile on his face, and he opened his home and life up to everyone. Some of my best memories with Jay include games of "Risk" at his apartment in college. I wasn't very good, and I didn't care whether I won or lost, but I always managed to be involved games with super-competitive guys (like my husband). Jay would slip me hints and game pieces to give me an edge, just to fluster his friends. We also enjoyed camping at his family's farm and games of "hide and seek" in hay fields with trucks. Jay was the first person we told about our first pregnancy. He invited us to visit him at his summer job in Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming in the summer of 2008. On a hike, we had him take pictures of us holding a onesie to use to share the news of the baby with our families.

In recent years, Jay held cookouts at his house with board games and hamburgers for his friends. He even welcomed Emmalyn, who usually found something to get into! The last few days of his life, he, along with his sweet girlfriend and other friends, painted Emmalyn's new room and the baby's room while we were out of town as a gift. Stephen and I have been so blessed by his friendship and generosity, and we have such a sweet, constant reminder of our friend. Jay loved the Lord, and we know he is praising our Savior for all eternity! I continue to pray for his girlfriend, who is a dear friend of mine, and his family as their lives have been greatly changed.

I had my last chemo sessions in early July. They went well, as usual, praise the Lord! I have had an issue with UTI's in the last month. I've gone through four rounds of antibiotics. Hopefully, I won't have any more flare-ups. I am enjoying my break from chemo. We are waiting until after delivery to determine when I will start Taxol. My weeks are still filled with doctors' visits, though...OB appointments! I am 34 weeks along as of Friday.

 Baby James has been measuring a little "skinny." I saw the fetal specialist this week, and James is about two weeks behind in growth, which puts him in the 20th percentile. I can't necessarily blame it on chemo, though. My daughter had the same issue. We delivered her at 6 lbs, 3 oz. It must just be the way I grow them! It means that I have to take non-stress tests twice a week and have even more frequent ultrasounds. Everything else looks great, though! We may be delivering a little early so that he can get out and eat. We can see a head full of hair on the ultrasound. I wonder what color his hair and eyes will be and what his little face will look like.

We are making an effort to have fun with Emmalyn these last few weeks. We took her to Pine Mountain Wild Animal Park last weekend. She had a blast! She loves animals. She started gymnastics this week, too. The class was quite entertaining, to say the least! We will probably move her into her new room this weekend, so we can set the baby bed up in her old room. I am excited to decorate her room with the few things I have gathered. Emmalyn is getting to be such a big girl! She is so sweet, and she'll be a great big sister!

One of our pastors gave a sermon recently that really convicted and encouraged me in my battle and view of the future. He was speaking about giants that we face, as in the confrontation between David and Goliath. After Goliath spouts about all his armor, strength, and sure victory, David gives a powerful response:

"Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted. This day the LORD will deliver you up into my hands, ...that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the LORD does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the LORD'S and He will give you into our hands." (1 Samuel 17:45-47 NASB)

I have to remember that the battle is the Lord's, and he is able to defeat armies, giants, and cancer. I have to keep my trust in Him. I certainly don't have much to contribute to the battle, except my faith in the one who created Heaven and Earth!

As the time is counting down to delivery, I am starting to get excited about the new addition to our family. I guess I haven't really let it sink in that we are actually having another baby among all the other changes in my life recently. Reality will have to set in soon, though, like in the next month! My sweet sisters and friends are throwing a shower in a couple of weeks. It will be a lot of fun to celebrate our coming miracle! I love the cute little blue things! 

Again, I want to say how grateful we are for all the cards, gifts, meals, and especially prayers made on our behalf. I certainly feel them, and I'm so blessed!

"Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory, blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord,  be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen." (Jude 1:24, 25 NASB)

Trust God

It's been a while since I've given an update. Things are going pretty well. Emmalyn's collarbone is slowly healing. We had another x-ray last week, and though it is still crooked, it is encased in bone and will straighten over the years. My heart still aches for the pain I know she must have experienced the first few days, but it didn't slow her down for long. In fact, we have to constantly remind her to slow down and be careful! My leg is much improved. It gets swollen and tired after standing for a while. It is not painful like it was four weeks ago, thankfully. I am still tolerating the shots; some days seem to hurt more than others.

 I have five rounds of chemo down, with only one more round of this regimen left in early July. Then, I'll get a break from chemo until after the baby is born. I am so blessed to not experience horrible symptoms. I've even managed to stay healthy from colds and such. I guess my white blood cell count has not fallen too low. I am very grateful and realize how blessed I am when I hear the experiences of others. Maybe pregnancy is helping me feel well!

We've reached 27 weeks gestation. Baby James moves ALL the time, and my belly is growing. At 25 weeks, he was growing on schedule according to ultrasound and weighed one pound, ten ounces. We'll have another ultrasound at the next appointment at 28 weeks. The weeks are passing quickly. We have only three more months!

 Monday, June 25, marks seven years of marriage for Stephen and me. I am very blessed to have entered this covenant with a man who honors it as I do. I have seen our vows in action, specifically the "in sickness and in health" part. Marriage isn't always easy, but it's a promise we made to each other before God. Stephen works hard to provide for our family. He takes good care of me and spoils me every now and then. He is a great daddy to Emmalyn and will enjoy our coming son. Our full vows from our wedding are below, and I pledge to keep them for the rest of our lives! I love you, Stephen! We are spending a few days in New Orleans next week. Stephen actually has a conference, but we will leave Emmalyn with her grandparents and enjoy a little time away.

 "I, Leah, take you, Stephen, to be my wedded husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."

 Emmalyn had a great time at "Sky" VBS at our church a couple of weeks ago. She loves the songs, and we now have the cd in the car; we have to listen to the same two songs over and over. The amazing thing is, her favorite songs really speak to me and are a great reminder of the promises and provision of God. Her favorite song is "You, You, You, You Can Trust God." Her other favorite is "Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power, Our God, our God." She knows all the words and sings them constantly. The theme of the week was "Trust God, no matter who you are, no matter how you feel, no matter what people do, no matter what happens, no matter where you are," which is very important to remember for both children and adults. I am blessed by Emmalyn's little heart, and I know Jesus is praised by her sweet voice.

 Some of the memory versus from the week...
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God." (John 14:1) 

 "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles." (Isaiah 40:31)

 "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love." (Romans 8:38)

 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

 I found they were all quite poignant! We are still being encouraged and overwhelmed by the prayers, meals, flowers, gifts and cards that arrive nearly every day. I'll say it again...we are so blessed!

Adventures Aplenty!

As if a broken bone wasn't enough excitement for our family for a week, I got to experience my own ER visit and hospital stay Memorial Day weekend.

 Friday morning, we had an appointment with the orthopedist for Emmalyn's collar bone. We were told that the bone would heal on its own and straighten out eventually over the next few years. She needs to wear a sling for a couple more weeks. Overall, it is pretty good news, and she isn't hindered too much by the arm. She likes to see the x-ray of her broken "cowar bone." She won't get on any trampolines anytime soon, though. It is a little tough to hold down a three-year-old!

 After the doctor's visit, I went to Walmart because we were out of children's Advil and prenatal vitamins. As I was walking through the store, my left leg began to feel really heavy and strange. By the time I got home, the leg was very swollen, from the hip to the toes. I rested for the afternoon and kept it propped, but after Emmalyn's nap, I had a good deal of pain in my left hip when walking. I finally called my doctor's office to report my symptoms about 4:00 p.m. I got a return call, and my doctor wanted me to head to the local ER for an ultrasound of my leg to determine if there was a clot. He warned me that if a clot was present, I would need daily shots. I was really hoping it wasn't the case.

 We dropped Emmalyn off to play with some friends and arrived at the ER a little after 6:00 p.m. We had to wait for an ultrasound tech to return, and I had the ultrasound about 8:00 p.m. The doctor let us know there was a partial blockage in my upper thigh, and I needed to be admitted. After some time, we learned I was being sent to the larger hospital nearby where my doctors work. We made arrangements for my sister to get Emmalyn, and I got my first ride in an ambulance. It wasn't too bad; it was the quickest trip to Albany I've had in a while! I arrived about 11:00 p.m.; Stephen went by our house to grab some staples for our stay and met me there. I first went to the labor and delivery floor to a room. The baby's heart rate was monitored, and I wasn't having contractions. Baby James did not like being squeezed by the monitors, and he continuously kicked for as long as they were on! After being reassured that the baby was fine, I was transferred to the hematology/oncology floor about 3:00 a.m. I received my first shot of Lovenox at 4:00 a.m. It burned like crazy! Needless to say, I didn't get much rest Friday night.

 I saw doctors from my ob's office and the oncologist on duty Saturday morning. She explained that I would get the shot every 12 hours, and the clot would gradually dissolve. I need shots for the next 6 months. The clot is likely due to chemo, cancer and/or pregnancy. They usually don't occur under age 40, but I have a few risk factors. I am just turning into an old woman!

 We had our families visit Saturday, and I spent another night in the hospital. My oncologist came for a visit Sunday morning. He said I would learn how to give myself daily shots of Arixtra, and I could go home. I hoped to be out of there before lunch, but it was 4:00 p.m. before we left because only one person was on duty for releases for the holiday weekend. I was very glad to go! I do not miss being woken up several times a night so they could take my vitals and give me a shot. The food was as bad as advertised, too.

 My leg still hurts to walk, and it swells after standing for just a few minutes. My doctor said it will take a few days to get relief. I have given myself a shot for the past three days. The needles are pretty small, and the Arixtra seems to not burn afterward as much as the Lovenox did, fortunately. The nurse suggested that Stephen learn to give me shots, but I haven't let him try it yet. I am afraid I would just resent him for sticking me, so I'd prefer to do it myself.

 This has all been a great adventure, and I am just along for the ride. I was never anxious about the situation, even though I know some deep vein thrombosis (clots) can travel to the lungs and cause death. I think over the years, doctors have learned that it is not dangerous to move the leg, as once thought. My only setback at the moment is my own pain tolerance. I am still taking it easy. As usual, we are very blessed by the prayers, meals, etc., from friends and family. I hope not to have any more "adventures" in the near future!

 I am trying to keep in mind these versus through my many adventures...
"Bless the LORD, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle." (Psalm 103:1-5 NASB)

 I pray that my youth is renewed soon!

More Adventures!

I had my fourth round of chemo this Monday. It went well, and I still feel good. I also saw my ob, and the baby is growing well. He is moving all the time! Stephen has been able to feel him a few times. I love feeling the little kicks! I'll have another ultrasound at the next visit. I picked out potential paint colors for the baby's room and Emmalyn's new room (we're moving her to the guest room), so we will have a few projects this summer.

 Poor Emmalyn has not fared so well this week, however. She was visiting at her grandparents' house so I could rest for a day or two, and she fell off her bed yesterday morning. She was not herself and didn't want to move her right arm, so when she got home last night, we took her to her first ER visit. X-ray confirmed a broken collar bone. She has a cute little sling, but we will see an orthopedist this afternoon or tomorrow to get the bone straightened. Thankfully, they'll sedate her for that. I couldn't handle them moving it if she were conscious! She is being a tough, brave, sweet girl. She got to eat ice cream for breakfast and is chilling on the couch watching her favorite shows. I hope it won't interrupt too much of her summer fun!

 In other news, we were blessed with a beach vacation over Mother's Day weekend. A sweet family let us use their beautiful house on St. George Island. The weather was a little overcast and windy, but it didn't phase our beach baby. She had a wonderful time chasing waves and sea birds and destroying sandcastles. We ate good food and left refreshed. I received my first pair of Crocs, a new purse, sunglasses, and slippers from my hubby and daughter. I am a very blessed mom!

 "O come, let us sing for joy to the LORD, Let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. For the LORD is a great God And a great King above all gods, In whose hand are the depths of the earth, The peaks of the mountains are His also. The sea is His, for it was He who made it, And His hands formed the dry land. Come, let us worship and bow down, Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker. For He is our God, And we are the people of His pasture and the sheep of His hand." (Psalm 95:1-7 NASB)